Don’t be $hellfi$h! Wow. Just wow.
Being excited about eating a lobster roll at Luke’s Lobster sent us to the UES in New York City at five o’clock. It’s not easy to get a cab at this time, especially when it’s raining, but we did it all for the lobster roll. Please play the smallest violin for us right now. The building where Luke’s Lobster is located is smaller than the small violin you just played for us. It is the tiniest building to ever be considered a building. There are maybe six counter seats, one regular booth, and one medium table. This is apparently working out for Luke’s Lobster because everyone loves Luke’s Lobster so much it hurts.
The cash register girl who stands behind a counter taking orders must be extra happy with herself every single shift she works. This counter-order-taker gets to take orders, ring the orders into the system, then get tipped for her fingers pushing buttons. People who fall for the order-at-the-counter-then-tip-the-cashier trap are as sad as saying goodbye forever to someone you love. I’m still kicking myself and we’ve been home for days. Holy cow. Counter tipping has always had the power to force tumbleweed to roll around here, but this time was the absolute worst.
We ordered about $60 worth of food and drinks. I started silently freaking out when she handed me the credit card slip with a spot to tip. Usually I’m as cool as Fonzie, but no, not this time. The line of hungry New Yorkers behind me was forming fast. We were at Luke’s Lobster! What is going on? My brain left the building before using common sense, so she received $12 for taking my order. Holy freaking moly.
The worst part about this tipping travesty is that I tried to force mental positivity upon myself while waiting for our food, thinking maybe she would actually do something like refill our water or maybe check on us. No. No way. Nope. Nada. Nothing. None of this happened. And, yes, I wanted a side of mayonnaise for my lobster roll. Me getting up to get drink refills more than twice, along with the mayo and yada equals an above average growl.
Then, just when it seemed like the counter cashier of total shadiness couldn’t have screwed me over more, I realized there was an up-charge for cole slaw. Come again? This is a huge deal because when I ordered she said, “Would you like chips or cole slaw?” Oh, really? Translation is that those are my two choices. This should not mean I’m either getting chips included or paying a few extra dollars for cole slaw. This girl should be spanked.
So, as I’m sitting at the one booth in the building we barely grabbed (play the violin again), while not enjoying memories of getting ripped off at the counter, I began eating the lobster roll with a side of mayo. Slowly, I watched her close out all of the checks for the day while gleefully entering her tips before the actual close of each check took place. Is this sweating the small stuff? No, not when my chef friend from Boston laughed at me on Facebook for posting the lobster roll picture and letting all of facebook know I counter tipped. Geez. Talk about feeling like a counter tipping loser.
As we finished our Luke’s Lobster meal, I realized I was expected to bus my own table as well. Double wow. Let this be a lesson to all. Counter tipping is for losers. Tipping a cashier at the counter for taking your order is not the right thing to do. Please, do not be a counter tipping loser– ever.
242 E 81st St New York
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