Even though everyone in Dallas loves this place so much it hurts, the line ladies at The Great Outdoors need to calm down. Why are these ladies acting like the soup Nazi from Seinfeld? We were the only customers in the building. In order to not become stressed out at The Great Outdoors, please know the ordering procedure before stepping in line. Every order has a number. For a tuna salad sandwich, please shout—> Number 15!
There is no reason to say you would like a tuna salad sandwich instead of yelling Number 15! because using regular words will anger the line ladies. Also, do not give any tuna salad sandwich details yet. The first line lady is not in charge of this information, although every part of her face was telling me to hurry and give more sandwich details. How can things be in a rush when the middle line lady wasn’t even ready for details?
While the first line lady was slicing cheese in the same spot she just sliced meat, the cashier at the end skipped the middle line lady and demanded to know which chips would be purchased with the Number 15!– Is it my fault you don’t have Doritos? Some people are fast chip orderers and some are not. The only thing for me is Doritos. Who doesn’t have Doritos? Can you imagine? If there aren’t any Doritos, then how can a cashier expect me to know which chips to replace the best chips in the world with within four seconds? Time was what I needed. Did I mention we were the only people inside the building besides the angry line ladies?
There’s a water fountain circa 1972 for people not buying bottled water to use. There’s no soda area on the customer side. I get it. There is only a tiny cup to use at the ancient fountain filled with water. The sad cup, for cheap people not buying bottled water, was crunchy ice-less. Where’s the crunchy ice? My husband, with unhealthy soda, had a cup overflowing with crunchy ice. This caused a crunchy ice depression. Right around this time, the middle line lady urgently became ready for sandwich details, so I turned around and behaved.
My husband, who is usually right about everything, said I should have had it completely together before standing in line. Maybe this would be true if we weren’t the only TWO people in line five minutes after they opened. No Doritos, a scary water fountain, and the tiniest cup in the history of tiny cups without crunchy ice simply slowed me down. Ten-thousand enthusiastic apologies go out to all three line ladies.
Also, gazing at the meat slicer becoming one with my cheese forced me to become locked in an uncontrollable daydream of total meat-touching-my-cheese sadness. Maybe the employees are so used to being busy they don’t know how to relax when they aren’t in the weeds. Yes, this experience can be classified as a first world problem. Even though every single bit of this is a first world problem, it’s my right as a citizen of The United States of America to chit-chat about the angry line ladies working at The Great Outdoors.
The Dallas Observer observed The Great Outdoors as being the best in 1988! Raise the roof. They are keeping up the good work because the Number 15! was great, minus cheese being sliced on the same slicer as meat. It’s the line ladies who need to calm down. Maybe take a break for a week or two. Head to Florida because it’s the sunshine state with lots of happy people who aren’t in a hurry. Sometimes it’s alright to slow down and relax while working in the service industry.
FIVE: High 5!
FOUR: Please & Thank You
TWO: Double Wow
ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch
The Great Outdoors
6918 Greenville Avenue
Dallas, TX 75231