Burger Fi


There’s nothing high maintenance about wanting cheese on a burger to actually exist. This is a reasonable expectation to have when ordering a cheeseburger. While having had lots of shady cheese in my life, only one cheese has been as shady as the non-cheese pretending to be cheese on the veggie burger at BurgerFi in The Woodlands. While being minimal, obvious cheese effort was made. The cheese was so thin and small it instantly became one with the veggie burger. This is an insult to regular slices of cheese everywhere. I decided to do exactly what the girl at the counter told me to do the second I placed my order. In her sweet-as-sugar-I-love-every-customer-so-much-it-hurts voice, I heard her say the same robotic sentence to three people ahead of me in line. “My name is blah blah and if there is anything else I can help you with please do not hesitate to let me know!” She said this to everyone, which made me feel comfortable asking for an actual slice of melted cheese on the $8 burger I ordered. It was really weird when I showed her the non-cheese barely existing on my veggie burger. She instantly made a confused-face. What’s there to be confused about?

Since she was obviously confused, I decided to ask her if this is the way the cheese on the veggie burger is supposed to look. All of the sudden, she said– no. Go figure. She turned around to the open kitchen and told the cook that there was a cheese problem. Within six seconds she returned the veggie burger with a freezing cold piece of Guinness Book of World Records thin cheese placed on top of the nonsense having previously been given. I’m sorry. Is it asking a lot to have an $8 burger be delivered with melted cheese that’s more than a molecule thick? Really? Give. Me. A. Cheese. Sucking. Break. There’s no reason for a customer to feel cheese-guilt for expecting decent cheese MELTED on a burger.

Best Part of the Entire BurgerFi Experience…

The cashier turned to the cook to tell her I’d like the cheese melted. The cook immediately stared at the veggie burger in total disbelief. Several cooks surrounding her stopped what they were doing to all take part in the hatred this cook felt about a customer wanting melted cheese on a cheeseburger. The cashier started laughing as the cook kept making faces of total disgust while staring at the veggie burger. She then grabbed two slices of cheese and slapped them on the greasy grill. She made more faces of melted cheese dislike before grabbing the cheese from the greasy grill with her FINGERS and dropping it on my burger. More laughing happened while she continued to find cheese amusement before handing the basket back to the obnoxiously chipper cashier.

Maybe I should laugh at her hand for 1) not wearing gloves and 2) using microscopic cheese to begin with. At that moment she finally noticed I noticed her stand-up comedy cheese act going on in the kitchen. We then became locked in an uncontrollable tumbleweed rolling stare down. She knew. I knew. We all knew — she was busted.Maybe I should ask my chef-teacher at Le Cordon Bleu if it’s common to use your gloveless fingers to slap cheese on a greasy grill before placing it back on a burger while making unpleasant faces. I’m no burger expert, but this seems to be breaking a couple of safety & santitation rules. By this time all veggie burger joy exited the building. Who needs a first-world-melted-cheese-on-a-cheeseburger problem? Cheese mental anguish is never high on anyone’s agenda.

The manager stopped by to check on things, you know, to see how one of the customers at BurgerFi was feeling. Um, let’s see. I showed him a picture of the shady non-cheese and asked him if this is normal. Because if this is normal, then I stand corrected and baffled. He said, “This is not normal. The cooks are already in trouble because most of them are hungover and in a bad mood from going out last night.” Ahhh, this is golden. The cooks are grumpy and hungover, so please be OK when they send out a lame non-cheese veggie burger. There’s no way I’d ever waste $8 at BurgerFi again. Anyone loving BurgerFi so much it hurts– please consider yourself alone.

Wow + Ouch = Wouch

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You


TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

1501 Lake Robbins Drive
The Woodlands, TX

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