Ordering Coffee Using Regular Words

It was really weird ordering four shots of espresso in a large cup with ice and 2% milk today. I usually follow word rules in an attempt to recite my order in a cashier pleasing way. Today I really didn’t feel like lingo. One might consider this day the end of the lingo line. I just wanted to speak regular words without any kind of coffee ordering word pressure. Is this really too much to ask?

Coffee language has always hurt my feelings, so I officially refuse to perform coffee language ever again. Coffee language makes me feel like some kind of weird poser. Nothing about coffee language is poser worthy, even for those who enjoy being posers. I just want to order using a sentence containing regular words, pay, and leave. That’s all.

Every person in the world doesn’t feel like being cool while ordering coffee. Maybe some people are extremely uncool, totally OK living a lifetime being the uncool people they were born to be. Just because I’m ordering a coffee does not mean the English language has to change. Every other employee at this location has somehow managed to find a way to be OK with me choosing to use my right as an American to order coffee using regular words. Today, not so much.
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Non-Employee of Any Month Ordering Reenactment:

AV: I’d like a large cup of ice filled with 4 espresso shots and 2% milk.

Non-Employee of Any Month: What does that mean?

AV: It means a large cup of ice filled with 4 espresso shots and 2% milk.

Non-Employee of Any Month: We don’t use those words.
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Her sentence arrived with a face that has left me growling for hours. She made an in-your-face sassy face. This particular face expressed many things. My ability to read faces has reached expert level. Her facial expression said without speaking, “That’s right. How’d you like that? Next time order using coffee language or there will be even worse faces waiting.”

The girl that usually works the register was standing beside the loser taking my order today. I looked at her and said, “Did you hear what just happened? Yes? Did you hear this?” She said she did and handed me a gift card for a free coffee the next time I decide to forfeit my English-speaking rights and stop by to welcome a repeat facial-violation. She said she really cannot believe what happened really happened. I’ll be back because every one of the other employees are professionally chipper in a non-obnoxious way. Minus one, this place is filled with rainbows and sunshine.

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