Don’t think for one second that anyone around here is being a hater. This is just as sad for me as it is for other humans. Almost 463 people in Dallas probably can’t live without Ketchup Burger Bar. Four hundred sixty three apologies immediately go out to all enduring emotional trauma as a result of this review.
This sign professes Dallas Morning News has named Ketchup Burger Bar one of the top 10 burger joints in Dallas. Congratulations. Really. Let’s all raise the roof. Holler! On a side note, um, this award was obviously given before the butternut squash couscous burger was added to the menu.
If the Dallas Morning News considers the butternut squash couscous burger responsible for helping place this joint on their almighty list, then I will sit down and eat a real carcass burger with six slices of bacon. This is how confident I am that the Dallas Morning News is NOT including this disastrous dish.
Belting out this tragic story begins now. After biting into the butternut squash couscous burger, I sadly performed a full swallow. Suddenly, a mini quick gag commenced, resulting in vomit shooting up my throat and into my mouth. On a scale of throwing up in your mouth just a little, this couscous burger barf scores a 4 out of a possible 5 barf mark.
Pain. This is the worst bite of anything ever taken in my life. This dramatic statement would include carcass of all kinds. To be totally honest, I’d rather be stuffed in a trough with 22 pigs for 6 days than ever eat the butternut squash couscous burger again. Dreadfully awful. Someone should be placed in prison for sharing such scariness.
Ketchup Burger Bar’s bartender is grumpy. So grumpy is this bartender, I was apprehensive about asking to have broiled fish on the fish taco instead of fried. After working up the courage to question, her bark translated into an aggravated– no, snapping “There’s no way to broil tilapia without it falling completely apart!” Alrighty then.
As they played with their iPhones, servers found a resting spot by the entrance to the bar. This bartender didn’t skip a beat before barking, “I have already told you all many times to stay out of here!” Frowners everywhere. I witnessed a frowning bonanza extravaganza at Ketchup Burger Bar. Wuh freaking wah.
All possibilities of anyone reaching a rainbow ended when the manager all but did a stampede around the corner announcing, “The girl in the first booth skipped out on her check!!” Nothing could stop the bartender from cantering to catch this one-top-burger-burglar. That’s right. She soon returned sporting a massive frown wrinkle. Her failed attempt to apprehend the thief was not the peachiest way to end her day.
This is a full blown wouch in every way. If food makes a person barf in their mouth, just a little, um, no way. Things would perk up if at least one service industry worker would smile. It was a debacle of frowns that forced the best part of this experience to be leaving.
FIVE: High 5!
FOUR: Please & Thank You
THREE: Yada
TWO: Double Wow
ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch
