Brooklyn Cafe

Rather than be branded the wicked witch of The Woodlands, another visit to Brooklyn Cafe is on the list before there’s a diss. Merely glance past the register to become one with accolades of best this best that, along with best ever cafe of everything awards. Well, this must be true for every minute other than 3:57 p.m.

Appearances walking in didn’t shout out a we are closing and would like all customers to spontaneously combust. Hindsight shows I was acting exactly like Elaine at the Soup Nazi’s counter on Seinfeld. Should I get this, maybe I’ll get that, yada yada bagel or wheat?

The plan was to order five or six things and lazily sit with a to-go box while relaxing by the window. Upon grilled cheese delivery, a teenager declared now to be past Brooklyn Cafe’s 4 p.m. closing time. Really? And? Your point is? Does this translate into I know you ordered, paid and haven’t eaten, but you need to leave the building?

Reading this teenager’s mind was the only option. As he turned the counter corner, he and his teenager BFF began talking sports as they swept the floor. After investigating the situation, the only conclusion was to beat it. Get lost. Take the to-go box and move on with my late lunching life. Scram. I quickly munched on three sandwiches and sadly left without dessert. Sniffle.

If you have the number one this & that with a plaque for every award handed out by the food world of The Woodlands, um, you better have some crunchy crust up in the club on your grilled cheese sandwich. This sandwich was soggy soft, oozing butter without a glimmer of crunch hope. Granted, this guy wants to peel out of here, it’s still an order having been placed & paid.

Haters Beware: Love or hate me, this sandwich sucked.

Since each side of the bread was sticking out without a care in the world, it seemed appropriate to smoosh each end in the soup and call it a day. This forced the sandwich to immediately have the appearance of a fully spread out tuna salad sandwich.

This would be the kind of sandwich I eat for lunch at least three times a week. As a practically OCD practicing tuna salad sandwich eater, please say it’s albacore. After checking the recipe attached to the wall, this teenage service industry sandwich maker returned with a YES.

As they closed shop, the rest was dumped in the to-go box and off we went. Tuna turn around happened about an hour later. After slapping on two slices of cheese and throwing it in the oven, this sorda snoozer sandwich became a crunchy tuna melt in no time. Curtsy.

Like. Egg salad happiness happened after performing the same double corner soup dip to get rid of the awkwardly lonely non egg salad touching areas of the wheat bread. The lamest moment of this visit is realizing there wasn’t enough time for a massive bagel order. Fail.

Besides cheesecake, Brooklyn Cafe offers lots of cookies, brownies and rice crispy treats.

Don’t forget about pet snacks.

I’ve heard enough words of wonderful, from too many people, to let one soggy non crunchy crusted grilled cheese let down ruin Brooklyn Cafe forever. Until next time ~


FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You


TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

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Brooklyn Bagel Cafe on Urbanspoon

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