The Rustic

Getting excited in a restaurant’s restroom is always a plus. The Rustic has a saddle sitting on top of a stool acting as a pretend pony. Everyone likes a pretend restroom pony except Yelp people. Yelp people are probably too angry to like a restroom saddle sitting on a stool inside a stall.

Please do not tell anyone, but I had no idea who Pat Green was upon entering The Rustic. Tons of people have said, “Pat Green owns part of The Rustic!” Each time someone says something else about Pat Green and The Rustic, it really doesn’t matter. Kind of like the State Fair and the big State Fair cowboy. These are two things not mattering as low as not mattering could ever go. I’m not saying Pat Green isn’t the most important restaurant owner mystery-celebrity of all time. I’m just comparing him to the State Fair, as the urgency for excitement isn’t happening with either. While continuing to live life never attending a fair, I am very glad to have gone to— The Rustic.

This place feels like a western kind of cowboy sports bar, minus having shady sports bar food. They even have a stage outside used for some kind of country singing. While taking outside pictures, four days of life were deducted due to inhaling secondhand smoke from at least forty-six smokers. The most pleasant part about any outside secondhand smoke experience is having the option to walk safely back inside. Curtsy.

The Rustic serves salt & pepper deviled eggs for only $5.95. The menu maintains this appetizer is Pat Green’s favorite, which means Pat Green is an intelligent cowboy. Real lovers of deviled eggs know fluff is never necessary. The deviled eggs at The Rustic are a solid deviled egg win without using salmon, caviar, and yada. Just plain deviled eggs like everyone’s grandmother makes— simple. We were so happy it hurt for a few minutes. Sometimes less is more just so happens to be true. The Rustic’s non-fluff deviled eggs are easily better than Neighborhood Services and Sissy’s. True story.

We enjoyed everything, minus the key lime pie. The 4th grade rug rat writer at our table even performed a sincere mini-gag. Sorry. Minus key lime pie, The Rustic brought joy into our lives for almost two hours. Even though the restaurant was slammed, our service during dinner was outstanding. It was obvious each person working had been trained to check on tables outside their section, without being intrusive. There was never an empty glass or anything left on our table that shouldn’t be. Our dinner experience could not have been better. The Rustic’s deviled eggs, alone, make the world a better place.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You


TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

The Rustic
3656 Howell Street
Dallas, Texas 75204

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