Easy Tiger Bake Shop & Beer Garden’s Pretzel is As Sad As Saying Goodbye

Mar 20, 2014 0

Who parallel parks from the left? Austin citizens are friendly people who are probably talented enough to parallel park on the left. Try parallel parking on the left when you’ve only parallel parked on the right your entire life. Most people avoid the easier right side parallel parking at all costs, never considering a curve ball left side parallel park waiting in the streets of Austin. Feeling like a parking loser forced all parts of my self-esteem to plummet. Please, feel sad for a few minutes.

Before parallel parking problems, I had recently left Chevron where a lady saved a beagle from being hit by at least six cars. This beagle is the cutest beagle alive. Who loses a beagle near an intersection? The world’s most adorable beagle smelled like a puppy, even having puppy breathe. People could barely pump gas all because of the way this beagle looked and smelled. On top of that, it was her son’s 13th birthday, so a puppy was his present, unless the real owner was hopefully found. It doesn’t get any better than a beagle being saved on someone’s birthday. A decent pretzel from Easy Tiger would have been icing on the cake that day.

There’s going to be double trouble for what is expressed, also known as freedom of speech. People will stand in line for miles to smash some part of my face in. All I’m saying is Easy Tiger Bake Shop & Beer Garden hurt my feelings last week. This does not mean Austin people are not the friendliest in all of the land. This also does not mean the beer garden out back isn’t the best beer garden in the world. It simply means Easy Tiger pretzel drama consumed my mind the second the scariest pretzel in the history of pretzels that scare was placed in front of my face.

Maybe every other menu item is the bomb. Maybe the person in charge of pretzels hates pretzels so much it hurts. This same pretzel maker could have had an unpleasant childhood being forced to eat pretzels as punishment for misbehaving at school or on the neighborhood playground. There’s no telling because when a business title says bake shop, then the business really can’t get away with serving a shady pretzel.

I’m not convinced this pretzel was really a pretzel. It was more like a plastic object. I asked if Easy Tiger had cream cheese and the girl quickly said, “We don’t have regular cream cheese, but we do have a beer cream cheese that’s really good.” To me, this is like saying the cream cheese with beer is a replacement for regular cream cheese, which should arrive with my pretzel for dipping.

How is it my check said I owed $2 for the scary pretzel and another $2 for the pretend cream cheese. A microscopic amount of beer cream cheese actually cost the same as the pretzel? No. Just no. This is a perfect example of an up-charge gone wrong. Who pays the same price for dip as the price of what’s being dipped? No one. Not one single person would willingly do this. It’s like an up-selling cream cheese catastrophe at its best.

People were having so much fun outside in the beer garden. These people must not have ordered the $2 pretzel with $2 mini-dip. There’s no way this could be reality for any person smiling. Has anyone looked at the size of the $2 dip container? Wouch.