Orientation Day at Le Cordon Bleu

Being socially awkward means a person does not feel like waking up with a huge, puffy mark beneath their eye. This is not something an uncomfortable person has time to deal with. How am I supposed to sashay into Le Cordon Bleu on orientation day with one funky looking eye? The first thing I did was come clean with the admissions guy. I could tell he might be thinking my hard-working husband back-handed me. I decided to tell him maybe I cried or fell down the stairs. He was totally over it within 12 seconds.

He led me to a line where students were being given a red or green card. The green card means students are in the clear to pick up a brand new blue bag containing three chef coats, pants, aprons, hats, and some kind of tie that is really making me sad. How am I supposed to know how to tie this tie before the first day of school? Maybe it will be cold and I can wear a scarf. I can then make a quick friend in the school’s restroom that will show me before anyone notices.

I was suddenly introduced to none other than the president of Le Cordon Bleu. I could barely hear her important words because all I could think about is whether or not I should tell her there is something puffy under my eye. I tried to stop myself. It was a sad moment when I suddenly said, “The skin beneath my eye is really weird looking and puffy today. I think it’s there because I slept on my face.” I’m sorry. The president of Le Cordon Bleu does not have time for this kind of conversation ramble. She simply stopped by to say hello and welcome me to the school. Maybe she’s a second impression kind of president. Maybe she doesn’t pay much attention to first impressions. Maybe she feels people put too much emphasis on the almighty first impression. She might get bored with all first impressions, which means she will probably invite me to her office for coffee soon.

The chef that spoke has a tall chef hat because he is super important. Instructors should not walk around wearing a flat student hat. An instructor’s status should be easily noticed, hence gigantic hat. This is how I feel.

The first thing this chef taught us is how to properly answer chef instructors. Just so you know, Gordon Ramsey isn’t the only chef on the planet deserving the word chef after every answer a rookie chef gives. Everyone attending orientation agreed to follow this necessary rule. The real reason for responding this way is to ensure a busy kitchen is on the same page. The chef will not have to worry whether he’s been heard. Like! Besides saying yes or no, there are three other statements I’ll be saying during school at Le Cordon Bleu. (1) I’m sorry, chef. (2) I’ll behave, chef. (3) Please forgive me, chef.

Receiving my green card meant it was time to walk into the uniform room. Every chef coat was perfectly folded and placed inside a glorious blue bag. These blue bags were in charge of holding student uniforms. I was instructed to take my green card over to the responsible guy in charge of my blue bag.

During a slow motion chef coat moment, this guy pulled out three chef coats that would soon belong to me. He asked if one particular chef coat was making me happy. Maybe he assumed this chef coat was making me happy because I hugged this chef coat like I was saying goodbye forever.

I tried to wait until the major chef in the corner, wearing a tall chef instructor hat, wasn’t looking. No one feels like watching a rookie chef student hug their school uniform. The first day of school is tomorrow. My freshly starched chef coat will not be wrinkled from tears of student joy. I will hide all happiness and act like it’s just another day.