Jerry Built Burgers

May is the month of burgers, so AVH is on a mission to locate all the fabulous veggie burgers in and around Houston. Most burger joints have at least one option available for all non carcass guests feeling meat distress. Just one? Maybe one? Kinda one? Nope. Walking up to the counter at Jerry Built Burgers proved positively accurate there is no veggie burger on this menu.

Employees all but broke into song & dance as soon as the door opened. Cheerful to the point of jolly, these service industry workers couldn’t possibly loathe the likes of anyone. They executed a perfect customer service attitude,  even while listening to the most annoying inquiry into this massive menu mishap.

Where is the veggie burger?!?!?! While trying to be a problem solver, a cheerful employee offered a bun without meat. Yawn. Oh, this bun would still have lettuce, tomato, and yada. Snoozer. Her pip stepping friend quickly saved the day, offering none other than a fried egg sandwich. Having the exact same excitement causing effect as deviled eggs, most humans become uncontrollably giddy when given the option of slapping a fried egg on it.

Fact: Everyone wears a chef coat at Jerry Built Burger. Everyone. Busser? Chef coat. Cashier slash order taker? Chef coat. Manager? Chef coat. Real live chef cheffing? Chef coat. In this building, all appear worthy of the almighty chef coat. Exciting.

Kid friendly? You think? Rug rats rejoice, for chalk boards line the wall from tip to toe. Kids everywhere, hyperly doodling the day away.

Softly gaze at the most high tech of all high tech inventions. This just so happens to be a touch screen operated fountain drink machine. Gasp. Being a zero knowledge fountain drink machine rookie, Google was the only option.

Google Fountain Drink Machine Enlightenment:

“Coca Cola Co. is using micro-dosing technology from drug makers, a smart phone operating system from Microsoft Corp. and style tips from Italian auto designers in its latest attempt to revive falling sales of fountain drinks. Coca-Cola spent four years developing a self-serve beverage dispenser that can pour as many as 120 drinks. It uses 40 percent less storage space than traditional six- or eight-tap fountains.”

Someone with a title of on duty supervisor head something stopped by to unravel this no veggie burger menu mystery. His passion for everything that is Jerry’s became quite obvious from the get go. The bottom line with this place is that everything is fresh. He explained, Jerry’s has nothing in-house that is frozen. Nothing.

He said they tried a veggie burger at the Holcombe location, in the beginning, but the burger wasn’t up to their standard of spectacular. Until they come up with a suitable recipe, the veggie burger will cease to exist. Jerry’s menu is still in development, so hopefully this will change soon.

While chatting with the nicest almost manager ever slash trying to enjoy a cup with crunchy ice overflow, a slurring drunk guy stumbled over hissing like a rattlesnake. I’m sorry psycho neighbor customer with a hardcore slur. There is no reason for you to stagger over to drunkenly spray, “Maybe you should open your own restaurant!” Really? I’m sorry again, but, um, you frighten children. Simply existing sends out an Amber Alert.

As the manager paused, all thoughts were consumed with a comeback. Where is the comeback? Waiting. Still waiting. Nothing. For a split second I remembered something about an A– B something that ends with a C your way out of the conversation comeback. I’m pretty sure there is a memory of mumbling, “C your way out of it.” How lame of a non comeback person could it get? Geez.

The best part about not having a comeback when someone semi cuts you down is… the second chance. If you win at the no comeback competition, leave the room immediately. Why? Odds are that person is going to sit, patiently waiting for the comeback gods to send forth words with a ring, pelt, and sting.

AVH: Um, excuse me.

Slurring Neighbor: (ignored)

AVH: Excuse me. Hello?

Slurring Neighbor: (looks over his drunk shoulder)

AVH: Just letting you know, um, nobody cares what you think. Maybe your beer bottle cares what your drunken face thinks, but, yeah, nobody over here cares. Just saying. Thanks.

Slurring Neighbor: Slur. Blah blah blah. Pause. Slurrrrrr. Burp. Cackle. Blah.

Okay, he did say something. Yes, it was a great comeback. It’s exhausting to live life never having a comeback — ever. Not even one on standby. Backup. Reserved for special occasions. Nothing.

This slurring super duper snooper at the next table must have thought the veggie burger question was annoying. He didn’t realize the conversation was positive, filled with sunshine, puppies, and happy faces. Can’t we all get along?

Make sure and mix it up when ordering fries at Jerry’s! They offer regular or sweet potato fries. Jerry’s also offers a burger, chicken sandwich, and chili dog. Oh, don’t forget the milkshakes & malts, ginger bull cookies, and the always exciting birthday ginger bulls.

Served snug as a bug in a mini box, the off the menu fried egg sandwich, subbing for carcass patties, is a definite win.

Jerry’s is a great addition to The Woodlands & Houston. Customer service slumping is not an option. From the food to the kid friendly vibe, this restaurant is not messing around. Dreams of some day devouring a Jerry Built Veggie Burger masterpiece will just have to patiently wait.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You


TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

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One thought on “Jerry Built Burgers

  1. That’s a great idea! We are going to try the veggie burger at Plonk today. I’ve heard they have one of the best in town. 🙂

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