Mi Cocina

Nobody likes a bummer because, let’s face it, more muscles are used being a frowner than a clowner. After visiting Mi Cocina four times over the past month, one thing’s for sure, corporate cares about the service. They may care about the food too, but the Mexican they’re slinging doesn’t touch what’s happening in Houston.

Why do most hostesses sweat customers ignoring them on the walk in? The confused you’re-sitting-in-the-bar-and-didn’t-tell-me look is painful. Scooting by without delivering an avadavat detailing reasons for choosing the bar, rather than place all seating power in the hands of the hostess, well, is simply grand.

Fact: Almost all hostesses are 100% annoying almost 100% of the time.

Frightened is the best way to describe feelings produced using one of the five senses. Out of nowhere, without warning, suddenly, a couple sat down at the bar. To my horror, the male participant in this duo of destruction was wearing none other than the same kind of cologne my second ex-boyfriend with a double life wears.

For two excruciating hours, brain waves were constantly crowded with fear. To make this situation infinitely worse, he was an over sprayer. A spastic finger pump pusher. Not a one-two squirt kinda guy. An abusively scary cologne wearer. Nostril pain inflictor. A massive nose hair curling ache maker.

His girlfriend, with almost 12 inch acrylic nails having little squiggly designs, was so proud of her man. Beaming with pride, she swished her hair furiously as she high nose asked, “Are you here … alone? Really? I’m sorry you can’t believe humans would dine alone rather than frolic with the Old Spice guy on a horse.

While all witnessing moaned thinking of his dreadful cologne, the bar stool to the right was now taken. Sitting in the very seat next door was none other than an oil & gas guy. So excited about Mi Cocina is this guy, he could barely explain why.

Working across the waterway forces him to feel Mi Cocina is just a few feet away. He informed all within earshot that  he has eaten at this restaurant a total of almost 50 times. His words were like the Jared commercial, um,  where Jared just can’t stop talking about how great Subway is & yada. It was hard to stomach, due to the fact I’d only eaten 3 times when I arrived and it’s NOT ALL THAT.

Just when he thought he could safely retreat to the restroom, his food was delivered with a personal invitation to be violated by my iPhone camera. Look people, do not leave your untouched food in the picture danger zone. This chicken dish, of Mi Cocina’s stalker delish, has a name, but we will just call it… chicken.

Sitting at the bar guarantees seeing three fake drinks. After several visits, a full blown investigation was necessary to ultimately move on with our lives. Bartenders across America, if you choose to make fake drinks, all you need is a plastic bag filled with air, to quickly produce fake ice.

A manager, from Mi Cocina in Dallas, delivered queso blanco without it having been ordered. He was just sharing. Exciting. The queso app lists an option to add picadillo beef.

Ceviche de camarones is wonderful. Exciting indeed is seeing shrimp everywhere. The app section also offers a variety of soup, such as chicken & rice, tortilla, classic Tex-Mex style, and classic bean soup.

Described as a house favorite, the rico salad arrives with your choice of sliced fajita chicken or beef. The kitchen quickly approved the request to sub shrimp instead. Several choices for dressing include Mi Cocina’s house, which is a spicy blue cheese, a Chile garlic vinaigrette, Tex-Mex vinaigrette, or ranch.

So not favorite is this salad, it falls into the category of most boring salad ever supposed to be a favorite.

After managing to trade a shrimp taco for a tilapia taco, it became fact this was a mistake. Too fishy was this fish of mysterious non delish. Eww. No way. No like. Nope. Yes, we all know fish tastes like fish. There’s a difference when the taste crosses the fish line. There is no doubt, believe me, this fish crossed the fish line ~ a lot.

The Chile-lime seasoned shrimp tacos with cole slaw are served in corn tortillas with an avocado covered salad & a side of rice. Like.

Mi Cocina offers an a la carte menu featuring 3 enchiladas with a choice of beef, chicken, spinach, or cheese, as well as a choice of 3 beef or chicken tacos. Rejoice, for both are served with rice.

As hard as management works at assuring spot on service during the experience, this simply doesn’t change the food. Nothing wowed us. Nothing.

One service wow, however, was witnessing a server train the new guy. We know this because she did the I’m a server-trainer sashay up to our table with a grand introduction loathed by every trainee on the planet.

“Hi. My name is blah and this is… BLAH. I’m a server trainer AND he is in… TRAINING. Just act like he isn’t even here and he’s just going to shadow me tonight!”

The worst part of training is the I’m a super huge dork stamp smacked on your face. Just try and be a trainee while  keeping your dignity. Everyone knows you are hating life and dream of having your own section. Anyone who has ever had to go through training knows he is doing way more than shadowing you.

Fact: People in training follow the trainer around like a dork, do all of the side work, and wait on every table in the trainer’s section. Then, best of all, the  person training gives every cent of the tip to the no brainer trainer. True story. Training sucks.

Questions? Go for it. Answers? Not so much. This was a major surprise. Trainers are always the real deal. If you don’t know what vodka is in the building, well, that’s just sad. Cheat sheet for the evening specials? Sadder.  That’s okay… when you aren’t a trainer.

There’s nothing cute about being a trainer without superstar trainer knowledge. No. Nothing at all. It’s not cute. Turn off the cute voice and do not turn that frown upside down. Frown please. You need to frown if you are training the new guy and you suck. This is not difficult to understand.

Scrambled eggs between two grilled flour tortillas with onions, poblano peppers, bacon, tomatoes, and cheese served with sour cream and salsa verde. I asked for… no bacon.

Cocina platter is a combination plate of flautitas, quesadillas, and beef and bean nachos. Alrighty then.

It’s really hard to touch the management in this company. They are on top of things – all the time. It’s a shame Mi Cocina isn’t all that. After experiencing real deal Mexican in Houston, there’s no way this place makes a bit of difference in the world of Mexican cuisine.

The best way to step it up is to drive to Houston and check out Xuco Xicana, Hugo’s, Irma’s, and Ninfa’s on Navigation, to name a few. Sorry, in comparison, this place is a super duper Mexican snoozer.


ATTENTION: Some people like Mi Cocina a lot. I’m just not one of them.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You


TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

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