Uchi Houston

Delivering drinks at Uchi’s sushi bar are girls not easily allowing buttons to be pushed. While witnessing a sushi bar neighbor release wrath similar to the soup nazi, several choices cantered throughout all brain cells. Run for the hills or the restroom. Morph into a sushi rock while sitting silently on the bar beneath chopsticks and simply… disappear.

If being human is the only option, well, I’d like to maintain a status of alone. One top. Single ready to mingle. The non gremlin. Anti multiplier. Singular sensation. Uno. Almost nada. No way. Just the Bogey, hence no Bacall. The single not a double, for we have encountered super scary trouble.

After two new visits, it’s apparent the hot girls on staff had the night off during Uchi’s media mixer last month. These vixens on a mission can take a service industry slap in the face like no man can.

Having been roughed up almost 6 times before my third glass of wine, all to do was wait & watch them succumb to the brutality of the infamous sushi bar slayer.

As service industry workers were going down faster than ships bombed at Pearl Harbor, almost 26 hives shot through my chest, exiting the top of my 2003 v-neck dress. I would rather surrender an ovary at gun point than send a dish back to the kitchen at Uchi.

With moves comparable to that of Charlie’s Angels while fighting criminals undercover, servers tag teamed each other at the kitchen door. It became clear that my neighbor would need more than a hiss, growl, or scowl to break these soldiers.

Minus scary body builder girl muscles, one could almost mistake these service industry sirens for American Gladiators. Ruthlessness endured to the brink of restaurant injustice, these three are the real deal.

Fact: Most humans feel excited to notice someone beck & calling them to confirm they are not ready for another drink. This behavior is not something out of sorts. As a sometimes slushy lush, I for one do enjoy the halfway-empty-drink-danger-zone-rule. Yes. Stating AVH fancies this being any such server’s feat to complete would be positive. Bring it.

Fact: Most humans are pleased upon hearing a master sushi crafter ask in the most polite sushi master voice ever, “Would you like to order something else?” This is pleasant to the average ear canal. Like rose petals placed snug as a bug on a fluffy pillow at the Ritz, these whimsical words are welcome.

While hive splotches became one with my body, secretly sitting to the right was none other than an Uchi chef with the night off. Accompanied by an explosion of tumultuous semi sleeve tattoos, this chef attempted to leisurely enjoy a moment of dining delight. As if it were just another day, he sat quietly bearing witness to a debacle of complaining without producing even the slightest mini flinch.

Moving right along…

Pure joy became reality as this orange gift was delivered with the sole purpose of cleansing one’s palate in preparation for greatness.

kaki no shiki…

shigoku oyster * lychee granite

akami te…

tuna * compressed watermelon * cilantro * basil

hamachi nabe …

baby yellowtail * koshi hikari rice * farm egg * soy broth

avo bake…

tiger shrimp * krab * avocado

machi cure…

smoked baby yellow­tail * yucca crisp * macrona almond * asian pear * garlic brittle

saba shio …

grilled Norwegian mackerel * parsley * preserved lemon

hirame shiro…

halibut * shrimp * coconut milk * basil * candied onion

hotate sencha…

diver scallop * matcha * lemon * asian pear * ginger

gyutoro…

72 hour wagyu shortrib nigiri

biendo…

tempura shrimp spring roll * nuoc mam * grapes

walu walu…

oak-grilled escolar * candied citrus * yuzupon * myoga

lemon gelato…
golden beet puree * pistachio crumble * beet glass

lime cremeaux * ash sorbet

With spastic lighting and the always joyous chef sighting, Uchi’s sushi bar just feels: right. Pure & total perfection makes this fact plain & simple. Uchi is untouchable.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You

THREE: Yada

TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

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