People who do not like tennis need to calm down. Tennis has a massive amount of power, which results in controlling your life. I care about tennis more than eating Doritos inside my Doritos sleeping bag and New York City combined.
Even though I only have one tennis outfit, do you think anyone at The Garland Country Club cares? The official name of The Garland Country Club is actually Jack Coleman Tennis Center. This particular piece of property makes the world a better place.
People who don’t have friends can use the tennis ball machine as a singles partner for only $80 over a six month period. Raise the roof. Being a rookie tennis player is totally acceptable when playing against a non-human. Miss a stroke? Whatever. Fall down listening to Beyonce’s If You Like It Then You Shoulda Put a Ring On It… no big deal. Life is grand because a tennis ball machine isn’t alive, therefore there’s no paranoia while wondering if the machine is having fun or not during your pretend match.
All of this changed yesterday when the ladies on the next court were one player short. I decided to act basic-interested even though I felt spastic-interested. Tennis angels in the heavens belted out songs of joy as this invitation became reality. The best part about helping out a group of ladies with loads of experience is that having less experience is fine, for the moment. Filling in is the best way for everyone to be OK when you suck. This is like a tennis miracle.
After playing, the unthinkable happened. I was invited to have lunch at Cheddar’s for someone’s birthday. We all wore our tennis outfits, which should make everyone on the internet feel healthy. Taking a picture of the salmon with broccoli and rice would have been weird. The self-control-struggle used to force all parts of my existence to not take a picture was real. Since these were my brand new tennis friends, taking food pictures had to be a part of the past. Our second lunch is the time to ease into food pictures. This is a slow process, so please be patient.
In case anyone is wondering, my new friends and I are going to paint kitty cats tonight at a place where even people who have zero artistic talent can still paint pretty pictures. This is the best week ever!