The world shook with shock the second I realized not one person sitting at our four-top liked Qui. Before hardcore Austin residents demand my existence become non-existent, please know these people are from– Austin. This means Austin vs. Austin. There’s no Austin vs. Houston or Austin vs. Dallas this time. I’m not going downtown on the fast track any time soon either. No way. I’m safely situated in the no danger zone. No joke: Austin food people scare me sometimes.
Things became almost devastating the moment I realized no one was excited about this moment. It’s impossible to comprehend the tragic turn of events having unfolded that fateful night at Qui. Who doesn’t like Qui? Who? The people at my table, that’s who. The last time I felt this excited about going to a restaurant was at The Pass & Provisions in Houston. The next level of excitement would be French Laundry level, which means excitement doesn’t get much higher.
There were all sorts of random rumors about having a hard time getting a table. Qui doesn’t take reservations, so to secure seating success my husband had to ride with someone else while I drove to Qui alone at exactly 5 o’clock. This was not up for discussion. I would have started crying if my husband did not agree to this plan. Getting on the waiting list was a sure thing if I could just get in early, which I did.
Getting somewhere early and getting somewhere idiotically early are two different things. Even though the restaurant was barely full at five, the host took my name and said it would be one hour. No problem. After arriving two hours later, my husband and the rest of our party made our way to the table.
Just when it seemed like a regular dinner, a mild disagreement began about none other than– Yelp. Yelp is like a thorn in my Yelp-hating side. The other part of our party just so happens to like Yelp. Ever since a few restaurant owners explained the real deal that is Yelp, along with almost fourteen minutes of research, I want nothing to do with them. Yelp sucks. Yelp is unfair and should be sued at least three times each week. Yelp needs to be illegal with violators facing criminal consequences. This is how I feel, so it must be true.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, except Yelp– right? For some reason we just couldn’t let it go. The experience was a full blown Yelp debating catastrophe. Paul Qui does not have time for customers sitting in his restaurant having a Yelp debate. This horrific word of utter disgust should be repressed from the minds of all innocent readers. Yelp debating during dinner at Qui reduced my life span by no less than two years. I might as well start smoking.
It is now time to discuss things the other people at our table said.
Impossible. Paul Qui arrived special delivery from chef heaven. Choirs of angels rejoice in song each time his chef coat buttons are buttoned.
I mean, sometimes an entrée needs to cost $150. It happens.
(this entrée feeds up to six people)
Excitable moments call for excitable sounds.
4. Small Portions
Art, people. Art.
5. Long Wait
Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know.
Saying Paul Qui sucks is like sucker punching Tyson Cole in Uchi’s kitchen during a fundraiser to help starving children. Severe is saying the least. Sentence me to a lifetime of working on a foie gras farm— it won’t change the warm fuzzy feelings produced when thinking of Paul Qui. We must all bow down to Qui’s greatness. It’s the right thing to do.
FIVE: High 5!
FOUR: Please & Thank You
TWO: Double Wow
ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch
1600 East 6th Street
Austin, TX 78702
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