Ah, the grand opening of Katsuya. An event bringing forth all possessing posh. This particular league of posh people maintain designer duds, almost 6 dozen implants, a smidgeon of lipo, and the always exciting tidbit of Botox. Based in LA, Katsuya oozes all that is California in the very best way.

When the words massive explosion of socialites are used, um, there’s no exaggeration. Nada. If the building housing Katsuya had been blown up at around 8:15 Tuesday night, there wouldn’t be a single socialite left standing in all of Houston. Plethora. Slew. A total tiara bonanza extravaganza. Without breaking a nail, at least 400 entitled tiara toters seized every room.

Me? Solo. Why? Because I’m cool like that. The photographer perusing the room apparently forgot to ask who I was wearing, cough. To clarify our moment of miscommunication, my outfit was none other than a 2001 no-namer from a random sale rack at Macy’s. So un-designer is this dress, one wearing should consider knee pads & a helmet for protection. Don’t think for a single second that socialites will not unite, thus morphing as one, to oust a non-designer wearing commoner.

P.S. Wear Old Navy or Gap if you fancy being sucker punched by a hostess.

Witness almost 6 socialites becoming lost in their reflection while awaiting restroom entry. Most of these particular princesses were in awe of one woman’s leopard print itty bitty skinny size negative 2 pants. Look people, if you are pushing 50, you cannot have legs looking like that without lipo. Plain & simple.

Unless a doctor sucks this particular fat through a hose and into a trash can, it’s just not happening. Lots of people aren’t aware of this new secret identity taking over all thighs right around 40, hence thunder. More like hurricane.

Another restroom conversation produced a first place winner in this evening’s double wow competition. As her bottom lip poked out ever so gently, almost showing the emotion most commoners call sad, she pointed to the cracked screen of her iPhone.

Appearing fragile, the only option was to ask why, oh why, she would not protect her iPhone with a case. As a mini head tilt ensued, her voice could barely whine the words, “I just do not need anything that adds such dreadfully unbearable… girth. Covers are just so big & bulky. Besides, they aren’t (pause) stylish.”

Triple High Society Sniffle.

Most frightening later occurred while becoming entranced in a massive high society hand hang. Such movement didn’t seem possible. Hand talking move over, for this level of hand-hang-slash-swing-around-pause-waist-hit-back-arch-potential-picture-pose is next level. Just try and focus on food when this is reality.

Moving right along…

Exactly one day before all the ooh la laa’s, we entered Katsuya for a fantastic tasting of many  signature menu items they’ve developed. This place screams sexy. It doesn’t just scream, it moans, pants, and groans it.  Meow.

After tasting several signature drinks from Katsuya’s award winning cocktail menu, corporate chef Danny Elmaleh and Matt Erickson, vice president of restaurant operations, sat down to fluff their stuff.

Per press release, SBE, the LA based luxury hospitality & development company, placed Elmaleh in charge of  “the daily operations and expansion plans.” This company coo’s over this chef’s culinary experience. Listening to all that is his chefness was exciting. He’s definitely an educated guy with loads of passion for his craft of creating.

The creamy rock shrimp app is crazy great. Crispy bite size rock shrimp are tossed in the chef’s spicy creamy sauce. We had this twice in one night. Like. Like. Like.

Half lobster sautéed with mushrooms & tossed in creamy dynamite sauce is then baked to Katsuya’s standard of ultimate perfection. Wow. Just wow. Fast forward to the most fabulously exciting lobster dish in this galaxy and beyond, um, including heaven. Fact.

A first thought for many is Uchi vs. Katsuya. Beware of the compare, as there’s a difference in what Uchi gives Houstonians in comparison to what Katsuya is delivering. So totally different in vibe, while being alike in excellence, it’s unrealistic to tout win or lose.

Uchi’s laid back vibe, minus the sometimes scary sushi bar scuffle, is quite different than Katsuya’s massively loud, see & be seen kind of scene. Katsuya’s decor is ultra sexy with unmistakable appeal, so it ultimately depends on the want & wish of the customer.

Maybe crazy, but in my middle class opinion it’s relatively painful to be placed in a space housing hordes of self proclaimed beautiful people. Pass. Solution: Prime time dining at Katsuya: 6ish ~ Before the beautiful people arrive.

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