Stop, drop, and roll upon entering Crabby Daddy Seafood & Steakhouse, for smokestacks creep from every crack & burrow. Table neighbor coughing? Meh. Grandma & Grandpa having an afternoon bowl of bisque? Quit your whining. Fella just released from intensive care only to live life having an oxygen tank attached to his wheelchair? Order to-go, complainer.
Sign a release form at the door, for innocent lung lovers are about to become one with second hand smoke. Although most of the United States banned smoking in restaurants, cancer stick wishers continue to shimmy through this door daily, knowing their ultimate demise will be no surprise.
Smoking aside, there just so happens to be something even scarier. With eyes closed, imagine a woman possessing a semi high pitched southern belle-ish voice. As this customer entered the front door, she belted out a sudden skin crawling squeal… “Look, he’s here… The best bartender… EVER!”
Before punctuation made its way to the end of her sentence, this bartender’s face morphed into almost 12 frown wrinkles.
Bartender affect provided proof he did not feel stomach flutters of loveliness when thoughts of this particular debutante imposter appeared. Inquisitive is the adjective used to describe all investigating exactly what could possibly cause such damage to one person’s face in only a matter of seconds. Could it really be the… customer?
While consumed with this question, years of life were being torn away, ripped through the lining of my lungs, as patrons chain smoked cigs faster than my ex-boyfriend with a double life had dinner with a Hooters girl wearing a terrycloth dress in Galveston last summer. Knowing it wasn’t a bit of my business, the ultimate beans were spastically spilled.
She doesn’t tip.
Really? Come again? She all but asked you to be her baby’s daddy during her most recent grand entrance, but she doesn’t tip. Even more scandalous is new found knowledge that she is none other than a… regular. Who is a regular and does not tip? Double Wow.
Bartender talk is of the essence. We will call him… Michael. Michael is a cut above the rest. An etc… The real deal. The extra pour. A fresh lime giver when others give what needs to go. A special order taker without giving lip or the always dreaded spit. An extra ranch risk taker. Trooper. The long shift worker. A leave you on the edge of your seat funny guy.
Is Michael more interesting than the prices? Absolutely. Is he worth dying of smoke inhalation or the always unattractive tar attack? Almost.
While innocently enjoying the arrival of oysters & peel-n-eat shrimp, this customer we call cheap began to be a temporary bar conversation BFF. Stories began to flow, while tips did not. A flood favorite would have to be the three boyfriend mandate she has pleasantly placed upon her plate.
Non Tipping Temporary Scary BFF Bar Neighbor Conversation Reenactment #1:
GIRRRRRLLLL, let me tell YOU something about ME. I do NOT settle for just one man. If you see me, girl, puh-leeeze! Every girl needs three men because men don’t act right. You with me, girl? You got to have backup. One is for the money, girl. And did I tell you about the other two yet? Oh, wait, I look good. What were we talkin’ about?
Oh, my second man is for the lovin. He is so young AND hot! GIRL, did I tell you how young he is? This hot body is only 23 years old and I am almost 50!? GIRL? Girl?? Well, the third man I have is just plain there for me to like. He’s the one I want to spoon at night, but he just aint got no money or lovin either. You have GOT to do… THIS.
Non Tipping Temporary Scary BFF Bar Neighbor Conversation Reenactment #2:
GIRL! GIRL?! Let me scoot down a few bar stools so I can hear you. Oh, so YOU can hear ME! Did you know that my eyeliner is LIQUID? GIRRRRRRLLLL! Stop it! This eyeliner makes my eyes look gorgeous. I am hot and this eyeliner is expensive. Girl, most people cannot afford this makeup. It is from NEW YORK CITY!
Wowzer. Double Wow. Wouch. Wow + Ouch = Slam Dunk Infinity OUCH on this one people. Bonkers & Yikes.
Nantucket Shell Shock Mussels in garlic wine sauce are $12.99, NOT $13.00. No. Let’s get one thing perfectly straight. This appetizer is exactly one cent away from having a status of one dollar more. In fact, every dish at Crabby Daddy’s ends with a price of 99 cents. Really? Who does the one cent from the new dollar slash $19.99 infomercial at 2 a.m. brain tease anymore? This is very 80’s.
Exciting indeed are the chunks of lobster found in every bowl of bisque. After ordering several times, it’s apparently an expectation of the kitchen. Add sherry schooner to your bisque for an extra $2.99. Not $3.00. That’s right.
Also offered in the signature soup section is a spicy seafood gumbo with shrimp, crawfish, oysters, okra, dark roux, and the almost always causing gumbo drama… Andouille sausage.
Being in the mood for a salad smothered in ranch, I ordered a large house salad with a side of peel-n-eat shrimp. Besides offering house, Caesar, and Greek, Crabby Daddy’s also has an ahi-tuna steak salad, as well as a seafood pasta salad with crab fingers, jumbo lump crab, and shrimp.
Included in the Famous Daddy’s Tacos are two fish or shrimp tacos in a Cajun blend, stuffed with a creamy roasted tomato salsa and placed in a flour & corn tortilla. There is an option for grilled or blackened fish or shrimp, but most importantly, the kitchen quickly approved my request to have one shrimp and one fish taco. Exciting.
Shrimp fettuccine alfredo is delivered with jumbo Gulf shrimp or chicken, which can be blackened or grilled, then topped with shredded parmesan cheese. Also in the Daddy Pastas section is lobster ravioli in a sherry garlic sauce, as well as shrimp scampi and New Orleans pasta jambalaya.
King crab is $30.00 per pound. Oh wait, $29.99. Dungeness hasn’t been an option yet, but the menu does list snow, stone, blue, and soft shell, depending on the season.
Always on the lookout for exceptional bread pudding, this was not so much. However, the cheesecake was gigantically humongous and fulfilling.
While fresh food prepared with care is a consistent experience at Crabby Daddy’s, the menu isn’t going to change the world in which we live. It’s close to impossible to recommend a restaurant where you can feel smoke oozing through your veins during dinner. With servers, bartenders, and managers being so incredibly kind & hardworking, take your chances and sit at the bar for an early lunch on Saturday.
Saturday Lunch = Safe
+ one strawberry awarded to the bartender, for he is grand.
FIVE: High 5!
FOUR: Please & Thank You
TWO: Double Wow
ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch
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