Freddy’s Frozen Yogurt

signKANSAS – Everyone loves Freddy’s so much it hurts. We sometimes stop by Freddy’s on the way back to Texas from Colorado. Freddy’s has a veggie burger made with black beans on the menu. Since hardly anyone seems to take veggie people seriously when it comes to carcass touching our food, it has become necessary to pretend to have a massive, almost close to deadly food allergy. This pretend allergic meat reaction could kill a person. I highly recommend people pretend to have the exact same pretend deadly food allergy I just came down with a few months ago. It’s the right thing to do. If not, I promise there’s a slew of service industry employees who do not care about pigs, cows, and chickens hurting your food-feelings. True story.

Freddy’s cashier was informative during our quick stop for lunch in Kansas today. She helped everyone in the building become stuffed with burgers, shakes, and fries. We started talking after my family ordered and sat down. “So, where do you cook the veggie burger?” This ruined the cashier’s day. It was like a bomb dropped on her register. “We cook all burgers on the same grill.”

No one around here is trying to be a bother. I’m here to help restaurants understand they aren’t doing veggie people any favors having a veggie burger smashed and rolled around on the same grill as a cow. It makes about as much sense as asking a person if they want a combo with their veggie burger when the fries are fried in chicken grease. Translation: Don’t ask. Veggie people might order a burger, but can forget about living the American dream with a side of fries. Meat-eaters all across Kansas are probably thinking it’s dumb to have separate grease for people who don’t eat fried chicken. Not to mention, fast food chicken— Enough said.

icMy daughters ordered some kind of milkshake called Dirt & Worms. After a full-blown investigation, it became clear this shake was dirty due to Oreos and the worm part was a couple of gummy worms. Figuring this out entertained our table for at least two minutes. Someone later said “Ready Freddy” when it was time to go. And guess what? Everyone was really excited about the “Ready Freddy” comment way more than basic average excited.

Freddy’s cares about meat-eaters. This is a fact in which we can all agree. Since Freddy’s half-a#$ cares about vegetarians, I decided to ask the manager what she thinks about offering a veggie burger that’s cooked on the same grill as raw meat, which is then flipped with a heinous, carcass-covered spatula. Help me understand this, please. The manager said she has never heard of any restaurant not cooking cow and veggie burgers together and doesn’t understand why it matters. Why don’t we ask my 4th grade teacher who showed slaughterhouse videos to our class why it matters. If she wasn’t dead, she would be the perfect person to ask why this kind of mixing matters. On the fast food up and up, someone in the back seat told me Chick-fil-a now serves egg salad sandwiches on toasted wheat bread.

3505 Vine St
Hays, KS 67601

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