Three Sheets

It was like being a detective realizing Three Sheets is named after drunk people. Confirming with the owner isn’t necessary since I’m practically an investigation expert. All it took was one trip to the restroom to crack this case wide open. Imagine being in a bar called Three Sheets while being— three sheets to the wind. Since the restroom is a one-seater, a drunk person is responsible for getting in and out of the small room alone. There is no space for your sober friend inside the dangerous restroom at Three Sheets.
Once in, Three Sheets wants to help drunk people lock and unlock the door because, you know, operating a door can be a challenge and people might walk in and see your privates. In order to ensure customers make it in and out free of stress or screaming, Three Sheets has created two very critical hints to help limit customers being unsafe inside their restroom.

This is like something Nick Badovinus would do because he is committed to restroom excellence within every one of his restaurant’s restrooms. His restrooms are filled with care well beyond what’s necessary– including tampons, mouthwash, sassy couches, q-tips, and so much more. Maybe he’s the owner of Three Sheets and I’m just too lazy to ask Google. Just like I didn’t know Nick Badovinus had blonde locks of golden hair glory until a few months ago. Knowing everything is hard to do.

Enter into evidence Exhibit A. Knowing the decor inside looks like a Sherlock Holmes kind of place, it is reasonable to assume drunk people will think a door is part of the wall. Kind of like a secret room with a hidden entrance. The drunk person may begin to knock in an attempt to hear hollow sounds. Erasing all mental anguish is a piece of tape placed directly above none other than a— lock. This tape tells those experiencing door drama to simply— turn. While a drunk person might start turning in circles instead, the drunk person will eventually become tired and think of turning something other than themselves.

Enter into evidence Exhibit B. This hint, also in the form of tape-communication, informs customers who’ve become three sheets to the wind to simply— pull. A drunk person needs this exit-information because this so-called door handle easily doubles as a coat hanger or a mini purse hook. What is up with that? It’s not fair to confuse drunk people with this kind of handle. If Sherlock Holmes lived in Dallas, he’d buy a place down the street from Three Sheets. Books are all over the walls and the lighting kind of made me excited for some reason. Everything inside feels like a library. The outside does not feel like a library because a library would never let library-people smoke in the library.

Sometimes girls do not like their hair smelling like a cigarette. These girls should not walk outside while visiting Three Sheets. An explosion of cigarette-smelling smoke will instantly become one with your hair. Walking past fast will not save anyone’s hair outside at Three Sheets. I attempted to make it past the pool tables and over to Ms. Pac-Man without success. This area has a television, video game, and Jenga. Since we were a large group, Three Sheets allowed us to reserve this area, which made everyone happy, minus Ms. Pac-Man being slow. No one likes the slow version of Ms. Pac-Man. No one. It’s not fair when the ghosts move faster than Ms. Pac-Man. This makes video game players sad.

There was only one girl in charge of our group. This service industry worker was not messing around with anyone. Everything about the entire experience was pretty much perfect. She even changed the channel so all of the manly sports guys in our group could occasionally glance at some fighters boxing on Fox. Minus scary smokers, Three Sheets is definitely a win. Stay in or sprint past the smoke outside. Don’t forget: Relax while using the restroom— your safety is secure.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You


TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

Three Sheets
3113 Ross Avenue
Dallas, TX 75204


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