Chef Stephan Pyles & the Half-Naked Sweaty Cowboy

People that have not read the mystery of the half-naked sweaty cowboy, inside the restroom at Stampede 66, need to do so immediately by clicking—> here. Now that everyone is aware of what is going on in the restroom at Stampede 66, we can discuss the half-naked sweaty cowboy investigation.

My friend from Delicious Mischief visited Dallas this week to interview a handful of chefs for his radio show. When he invited me to join him during an interview with chef Stephan Pyles, um, this excited me in an above average way.

Chef Pyles sat with us to discuss all that is cheffing while we stuffed our faces with different items from his menu. While taking secret chef pictures of him, which is clearly a violation of his chef privacy, I could only think about the restroom. Suddenly, radio was over and our dessert plate was empty. Stephan Pyles had no idea that he would not make it out of this building without explaining the half-naked sweaty cowboy residing in the restroom.

Chef Stephan Pyles & the Half-Naked Sweaty Cowgirl

He unknowingly did the unthinkable by asking if we’d like a tour of the restaurant. Raise the roof! Would the restroom be included in this impromptu tour? It’s not every day that a person says, “Hey, I’d really like you to step in the restroom so I can show you around.” Stephan Pyles is different. He’s not ashamed to sashay into any restroom. Do you think he has worked this hard to be worried about giving a random restroom tour? I think not.

He walked over to the girl’s restroom and opened the door with complete interior design pride. Without having to ask, he began passionately discussing none other than— the half-naked sweaty cowboy. This particular sweaty cowboy is a model right here in Dallas. Stephan Pyles was in charge of picking the model that would forever be sweaty on his restroom wall.

Just when I thought the restroom tour had ended, Stephan Pyles opened the men’s restroom door to reveal none other than— a sweaty half-naked cowgirl. Just so you know, chef Pyles does not feel these restroom people are sweaty. Sweaty or not, this case is closed.

______________
Stampede 66
1717 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, TX 75201
214.550.6966
stampede66.com
______________

Is A’ Bella Mushroom
grilled portabella, swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion

Sometimes a restaurant’s idea of a veggie burger is throwing a vegetable on the grill and calling it a veggie burger day. This doesn’t count. No fair. Not having a patty causes immediate disqualification in the category of having a veggie burger on the menu, which is depressing to veggie burger people everywhere.

Burger places should always have a veggie burger on the menu. Several restaurant owners have explained how difficult it is to create a recipe that works for them. How about hire a veggie burger consultant. Take a vacation filled with deep thought and recipe relaxation. Opening a burger joint without a veggie burger hurts non-carcass eater’s feelings.

The manager handed us a menu while we were standing in line today. Looking through the burger section proved pointless. Suddenly, without warning, there was a veggie “sandwich” listed. Sandwich? What’s up with that? It’s a sandwich served on a burger bun with every single topping you’d find on a burger. This is comparable to an above average veggie burger tease. A burger bun without a patty is as sad as being required to butcher animals in culinary school.

Liberty Burger serves a pretend veggie burger as well. Chopped mushrooms replace all hopes of a patty. While liking the vegetables inside their burger bun, this kind of nonsense must end. Non-carcass people need a quality veggie burger while out with beef eating friends and family members. Making this a mandatory change is the right thing to do.

The world needs to know that the grilled-portabella-mushroom-pretend-veggie-burger at Haystack Burgers is not bad. I was almost happy all over the place. Having a mind consumed with potential veggie sandwich sadness interrupted all possible moments of grilled-portabella-mushroom-pretend-veggie-burger happiness. It was like patty-pouting. Nobody smiles while patty-pouting. To smile defeats the pouting purpose. On the up and up, the people working at Haystack Burgers & Barley are on top of things. The place was super clean and the surrounding customers all seemed pleased.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You

THREE: Yada

TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

 
Haystack Burgers & Barley
100 N Central Expressway
Richardson, TX 75080
haystackburgers.com

 The weirdest part about trying to make an A in a butchery class is being required to butcher dead animals that have a carcass. So far I have cried a total of two times. There are several levels of crying, so I’m just saying that my level was below one that warrants embarrassment. It was more of an inside-cry-slash-mini-tear-duct-fill. Nothing fell out of my eyes. Before anyone thinks I’m a loser, please relax. It’s not just me. Most people that don’t eat animals are probably sad when they butcher meat. Just so you know– fish are also included in this necessary culinary school butchering catastrophe.

My chef instructor used to be a real live slaughterhouse worker. Do you think he has time for people almost crying in his butchering class? No. He does not have one single second for such nonsense. No chef, previous slaughterhouse worker or not, has time for a culinary student to display such wimpy behavior. He should have kicked me out of the kitchen for having an inside-cry-slash-mini-tear-duct-fill in his presence. This is how I feel, so it must be true.

So far I have taken a whole chicken and cut it into what seemed like 42 parts. While this moment did not resemble a murder scene, blood could be seen on my knife. Gasp. Our class filleted a round fish and a flat fish while heads and tails were still attached. This hurt my feelings in an above average way. When ducks are delivered, the duck neck is stuffed inside the body. Guess what? A duck has very big wings. I cut these wings off during class a couple of weeks ago. I also helped my partner make dirty rice that day using at least four diced duck hearts and six duck livers as ingredients. Next week we are butchering a veal’s leg. That’s right. After that, we are taking a pig apart. Please do not forget about the lamb cutting and foie gras dish listed on our course syllabus.

All of this drama is the fault of my lousy 4th grade granola teacher. She decided to traumatize our class by showing a slaughterhouse video. Some guy in a lab-looking coat did something to cows lined up in a row that made each one instantly collapse. Don’t forget— 4th grade is the same year my Doritos sleeping bag was thrown away. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Is she crazy? Yes. Was she eventually sent to a mental institution on Bull Street in Columbia, South Carolina? YES. Who shows 4th graders a slaughterhouse video? She’s the reason I’ve been left to live a life without meat. It’s her fault I had a mini-tear-duct-fill during butchery the other day. I tried to contact her recently to tell her how I feel, but Google quickly confirmed she died a couple of years ago. Upon reading about my 4th grade teacher’s unfortunate death, I decided to stop having negative feelings about her ruining my life. It’s the right thing to do.

I have the best chef in the world. I’m not just saying this because he might read this random story of butchering sadness. I’m giving this compliment because this particular chef is not messing around. He refuses to let any of his students let themselves down– ever. While his experience as a chef is inspiring beyond words, it’s his passion that keeps me going. He has stayed after class more than once to try and help me mentally figure out a way to get over what happened in 4th grade. Everything he has said makes sense. Respecting an animal is extremely important. Using as much of the animal as possible is the way cooking should be. He is trying to help me somehow separate myself from the process and understand the true beauty of what we are creating.

photo via cbsnews.com

My cheater ex-boyfriend with a double life told me a long time ago that buying a gift card is like a contract. If you pay for a gift card, then people have to honor it. Since he cheated on me with a terry-cloth-wearing Hooter’s girl, I’m going to go out on a limb and say he isn’t very smart, which means paying attention to the expiration date on all gift cards is important.

After bidding on a “Night Out in Dallas” at the Caesar Salad Competition last year, we actually won. Five minutes ago my husband let out some kind of gasp and said, “Go check the expiration dates! Everything has probably expired!” Stress entered my life at that very moment as I ran upstairs to investigate. We quickly decided today is the day to do it. Our winning bid includes a night at the Rosewood Mansion, dinner for two at Stephan Pyles, a Sewell Lexus for the weekend, and seats at the Symphony Orchestra. We are OK on everything except the Dallas Symphony, which expired YESTERDAY. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Now I have gift-card-expiration-date-depression.

Now that we are forced to have a lavish weekend, I have no choice but to parade around in public with six stitches and a big, greenish-blue— black eye. It’s not my fault the water was rough on Memorial Day Weekend and I smashed my face into the front of the boat. Things like this happen. It doesn’t mean anyone wants to sashay into the Rosewood Mansion and then dinner at Stephan Pyles looking like some kind of thug. Sometimes gift-card-expiration-date-pressure means innocent citizens of the United States of America have no choice but to showcase a jacked-up face. True story.

After countless minutes of research, I uncovered shocking gift-card-expiration-date information that just might be accurate. As of August 2010, it is illegal for a gift card to expire within five years of the actual issue date. There is an exception that really hurts my feelings. Paper gift certificates are not included. Our Dallas Symphony seats are on a paper gift certificate. The paper gift certificate is dated September 30, 2012 and expired May 31, 2013. This is a catastrophe to symphony lovers everywhere. Paper gift certificates are as sad as littering in a cemetery. After deep meditation, I’ve decided the symphony can go on without us. There will be no hard feelings of paper gift certificate negativity. We will focus on a future without gift cards as we enjoy a lovely– Night Out in Dallas.

Woodstock
chopped vegetables, swiss cheese, spring greens, avocado, tomato, basil garlic aioli

Who wants to vacuum with a cord hanging from the ceiling? When it’s time to do the other end of the room, the sad employee has to dangerously stand on a chair twice to unplug/plug the cord back in. This is the side-work visual I’m having, so it must be true. While trying to be an advocate for ceiling power outlets everywhere, I took some time for deep thought that day.

It all started when I asked the perky high school cashier which table she feels would be best to sit, eat, and charge my iPhone. She giggled as though everyone has power outlets in the ceiling as she said, “We really only have plugs in the ceiling, so that might not work.” Really? Might not work? I would need therapy if I ate a burger while charging my phone from a ceiling. Unwanted cord drama would be inevitable. Only having power outlets in the ceiling hurts people’s feelings. It’s just not right.

I decided to sit in the corner and wait for my burger. I had 3% left on my iPhone, so there was still a chance to get a picture of the veggie burger when it arrived. Just when it seemed like a regular seat, all of the sudden, two hostesses began talking and talking and talking. I feel OK about this because hostesses are supposed to talk, as well as remain in an excellent mood throughout each shift. The only problem is these hostesses were standing beside my table, just to the left of my ear. I just couldn’t listen to their weekend plans for another second with everything else that was going on. This is when I did the unthinkable and moved all the way across the restaurant. Then, without warning, I looked up and saw none other than an electrical outlet on the ceiling. While this experience must be considered a first world problem, it is something that needed to be shared. Either bring an extension cord to Liberty Burger or charge your phone at home. Plain & simple.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You

THREE: Yada

TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

Liberty Burger
5211 Forest Lane
Dallas, TX 75244
972.239.2100
givemelibertyburger.com

photo via dallasmargaritameltdown.com

Make your way over to the Bishop Arts District today from 5pm-10pm and get your margarita on. The good news is this is a competition with tons of restaurants and bars from around Dallas. Those competing will produce some kind of margarita for event people to taste. 

Presale tickets can be purchased on EventBrite for $20 or $25 at the entrance. Part of the money made today will be given to La Voz del Anciano. Winners will be announced at 9pm.

We were invited to meet with executive chef Mark Mabry in a fancy suite at American Airlines Center in Dallas. Out of all the food tasted, the pico de gallo mac & cheese made my heart heavy with happiness. I feel sorry for anyone that lives life without trying chef Mabry’s mac & cheese. I am not just saying this because we were eating this particular mac & cheese in a fancy suite. I could have been sitting inside a dirty dumpster while eating this mac & cheese and it would still be almost as great as the mac & cheese at Hibiscus.

After spending almost one hour tasting dishes from his new Texas-inspired menu, I am positive chef Mabry is really funny. That’s right. Sometimes chefs say things they think are funny during an interview. This means a courtesy-laugh-response must be given. Forcing a person to perform a courtesy-laugh-response causes undue laugh pressure. This hurts people’s feelings. While we sat around chatting, this chef was repeatedly funny without even trying. True story.

After stuffing our faces, chef Mabry took us on a tour of American Airlines Center. There are many different areas for eating while attending events at American Airlines Center. It seems like poor people do not have to stay in one boring area. Save a little here and there and you will be up in the Audi Club in no time. The view is perfect and there is also an open dining room filled with a complete bonanza buffet-style extravaganza. Please do not miss the dessert cart area where a guy is standing in front of at least twelve kinds of delicious cakes, pies, and yada. People purchasing the buffet can eat and eat and eat. It’s glorious.

Some Menu Items…

Grilled Kabobs
Served hot off the grill with flavor-packed Thai chili and spicy BBQ sauces, choose from three options – chicken, grilled beef or Italian sausage.

Shiner Bock Smoked Chicken
A half chicken marinated in Shiner Bock beer and then smoked to perfection, served with loaded mashed potatoes.

Texas Cheese Steak Sandwich
Topped with pepper jack cheese and grilled peppers and onions

Texas BBQ Bacon Burger
Topped with crisp applewood smoked bacon, jalapeno jack cheese, signature BBQ sauce, lettuce and tomatoes on a fresh-baked sesame seed bun

BBQ Chicken Smasher
Crispy BBQ chicken tenders, tossed with Dr. Pepper BBQ sauce, sharp cheddar cheese and fresh scallions, smashed and served between two slices of Texas toast

Dr. Pepper BBQ Beef Sandwich
Smoked chopped brisket simmered in Dr. Pepper BBQ sauce, served on a fresh hoagie bun with fried onions and creamy coleslaw

Dr. Pepper Float
Velvety vanilla bean ice cream blended with ice cold Dr. Pepper

____________________________
American Airlines Center ‎
2500 Victory Avenue
Dallas, TX 75219
214.222.3687
americanairlinescenter.com

Executive Chef Matt McCallister photo via Kevin Marple

FT33′s Executive Chef Matt McCallister welcomes McCrady’s Chef de Cuisine, Jeremiah Langhorne, for a guest chef dinner & one-of-a-kind dining experience.

Chef Langhorne is a foraging chef from Charleston, South Carolina. He is obviously the bomb because Matt McCallister would probably not be caught cheffing with anyone that is opposite of the bomb. Expect lots of small bites, as well as an eight-course menu highlighting flavors of the the South.

WHEN:
Monday, June 17, 2013 at 6:00 p.m.

WHERE:
FT33
1617 Hi Line Drive
Suite 250
Dallas, Texas 75207
214.741.2629

COST:
$125 per person for the eight-course menu, excluding tax and gratuity
$75 for complementary wine pairings selected by FT33’s General Manager, Jeff Gregory

RSVP:
Reservations are required and seating is limited.
RSVP to FT33 by calling 214.741.2629.

photo via fibrotv.com

Look, no one around here is trying to be a culinary student classmate hater. All I’m saying is a line needs to be drawn— and fast. The good news is this: The only people in my class that know I’m a food writer are the three people that are not lazy. All of the other people have no idea my fingers can type all kinds of memories that were formed due to their Guinness Book of World Records— laziness.

We finished the written and cooking exams this week. I successfully completed Foundations II with an A. You guys have no idea how much torture came with this A. I’ll start from the beginning. Just when it seemed like a regular class, all of the sudden, an explosion of lazy people were everywhere. I’m sorry. I am not enrolled in culinary school to take care of lazy people. I’m just wondering why a lazy student stopped by the library last week to take pictures of recipes I worked on for at least three hours. Do I look like your secretary? This is when my frown wrinkle officially began to wrinkle.

I am a notetaker. If there was some kind of competition for notetaking, it would be over for every other notetaker across the country. I have a fast pen. This fast pen releases ink faster than a flash or a speeding bullet. It is really that fast. Ink glides like skates all over the place. Ink is on my left hand, the table, my chef coat— everywhere. When I get home, I relax with some Doritos and slowly transfer these notes to the back of a recipe card. Simple. This takes effort, which means lazy people are not achieving this or anything else on their own.

Believe it or not, there was a bully in our class during Foundations II. We don’t have a principal, so I decided to keep this information to myself. She must have known not to bully me because of how scary my face looks sometimes. This bully did not know that I was a school teacher for nine years and would always be five thousand steps ahead of her sad bully body.

She could easily be described as a loser, but I have decided to go into a more detailed description. She is loud. This kind of loud comes with several louder sounds in between the already loud parts of each sentence. Then there is the comment here and there that’s supposed to sting the people she is bullying. Does she not realize people living life as non-losers really do not bother listening to loud, lazy, attention seeking, non-winner bullies? True story.

After attempting to ignore her for all of eternity, or at least until Foundations II ended, it happened. She walked over and said, “Hey Ashli!!! Girl, you take the BEST notes ever. I’m gonna have to steal your notes!! How do you take such AWESOME notes!!?” Really? How about because I don’t sleep in class. That is a fantastic start. Staying awake in class has been proven to be a sure thing when attempting to take notes. Oh, how about pick up a pencil and do the unthinkable— write! Actually, being present when the teacher speaks is definitely another plan that just might work. After finally figuring out a way to appear unapproachable, people stopped asking me questions. Answers to all questions can easily be known on your own— by not being lazy.

black bean veggie burger

We were on our way to Bread Winners for Sunday brunch, but decided to eat at Jake’s after seeing the massive line out front. Little did we know things have gone down— way down— over at Jake’s on McKinney.

No, you are not mistaken. Jake’s really has been awarded 2nd place for the saddest piece of cheese to ever be served in a restaurant. While the cheese on the tuna melt at Liberty Kitchen in Houston remains solidly in 1st place, Jake’s is not far behind.

I’m just wondering how the kitchen sent this out. Every cook within 48 feet had to have seen the terrifying earthquake-like crack running through the center of this scary slice of sadness. Not only was the cheese an insult to acceptable cheese everywhere, the edges had heat lamp burn all over the place. Part of the cheese seemed old and cold, while the rest was simply frightened. P.S. Jake’s was not busy. There were no more than six tables inside and out.

It’s really weird to look at another person you’re having lunch with and watch their face morph into a look of being traumatized by their food. This is not something I would recommend anyone attempt to see. The person across from me had none other than a piece of hair inside his mouth. After a full blown hair-in-his-food investigation, it has been proven that there was a curly hair in his non-curly fries and inside his mouth. This makes a total of two hairs. That’s right. It seems unlikely, but I am here to tell you that I witnessed a person having total stranger hair anguish on Sunday.

Our server soon took the tainted fries back to the kitchen and returned with a new batch. This did not provide sudden comfort to the hair eater at our table. Once there is a stranger’s hair inside your mouth and on food you have ordered, um, it is pretty much impossible to move on with your life until you leave. No matter how new something is, forget it. All thoughts go back to being victimized by two pieces of stranger hair. Nobody likes being a victim of stranger hair or scary cheese. It’s just not right.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You

THREE: Yada

TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

_______________________
Jake’s‎
2702 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, TX 75204
214.754.8001
jakesuptown.com
_______________________

After deciding what to order, we made our way to the counter. This is the first moment things began to feel above average dirty. It was around 7:00pm and the containers on the counter looked like a tornado blew through in a funky kind of way.

My husband tipped $11 at the counter. Counter tipping is annoying because tipping before service is received feels like being violated. Tipping when the experience is over is the right thing to do. This is how I feel, so it must be true. The guy I married doesn’t put that much thought into it and wishes I would do the same.

As we sat waiting for our burgers, the group of condiments on our table was as sad as condiments sitting on a table could ever be. It is a fact that crusty dried up condiment bottles can be prevented or at least taken care of when the table is being bussed.

I then looked over to the left and there were trash bags, a sanitation bucket, a dirty bus tub, and trash cans only a few feet away. Twisted Root Burger might be going for the relaxed, non-serious restaurant scene, but this scene is actually very scary. This particular view is not working out for anyone at Twisted Root Burger. I recently learned all about red sanitation buckets in culinary school. Just so you know, there is a way to go about having a trash area in a restaurant and this is not it.

I soon walked over to find a fork and knife. After the trash area and the explosion of dirtiness at the counter, the utensil area sealed the dirty deal. There is really no reason to have this much dirt and trash in the same spot a person is getting something that will eventually end up in their mouth.

black bean veggie burger

It was really weird when I picked up my veggie burger at the counter. On the side of the plate was the tiniest piece of lettuce ever to be considered a piece of acceptable burger lettuce. Since we were doing all of the work ourselves, I figured the $11 tip my husband left in the beginning meant I could ask for more lettuce. The guy at the counter did not hesitate to give me a huge piece of lettuce, which immediately caused total lettuce recovery to occur.

The black bean veggie burger reminds me of the burger at Jake’s, minus being better. This is not a bad burger. It wasn’t dry, so there was reason to rejoice. It’s extremely hard to rave about food when a restaurant feels like a dirty dish rag. Twisted Root Burger feels dirty. Plain and simple.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You

THREE: Yada

TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

photo via dev.marcussamuelsson.com

Look, it is quite possible I previously implied that the Austin Food & Wine Festival is for rich people. Maybe I was wrong. How was I supposed to know someone very nice would invite me to a pre-Austin Food & Wine Festival event as part of the media? This should give poor people something to live for. Even though tickets to the actual festival are $250 or $850, um, there is a chance I might get my hands on none other than a media pass.

I have a feeling that since the Austin Food & Wine Festival is one of the hosts tomorrow, the media pass person will have to be there. Where else would the media pass person be? This is a no-brainer. Maybe I can walk around, slowly, trying as hard as I can to seem important. Maybe I can find some kind of respected Austin food writer and become fast friends. I have an inner feeling that the festival media pass person is going to love me. Maybe I can tell this person in charge of media passes that my birthday was yesterday and no one said Happy Birthday. This will probably make the media pass person feel sorry for me. Sometimes when people feel sorry for someone else, they decide to make that person happy by giving away a cupcake or maybe a media pass to the Austin Food & Wine Festival. It is the right thing to do.

Press Release Details: (NY, NY) – Foodrepublic.com, W Austin, and the Austin Food & Wine Festival will host the 2nd Annual Food Republic Interview Lounge in Austin on Friday, April 26, featuring appearances by chefs and other culinary personalities from the Austin Food & Wine Festival and comedians from the Moontower Comedy Festival. The all-day live interview event, which is open to Austin Food & Wine Festival ticketholders, W Austin guests and the public as space permits, will feature *Andrew Zimmern*, *Marcus Samuelsson*, *Graham Elliot*, *MichaelIan Black*, *Christina Tosi*, *Paul Qui* and more special guests soon to be announced.

Food Republic Editorial Director Richard Martin and Contributing Editor Matt Rodbard will interview the culinary and comedy personalities onstage, exploring food and drink from a variety of angles. Also participating are Chef de Cuisine, Lawrence Kocurek and Executive Pastry Chef Janina O’Leary of TRACE, the acclaimed restaurant located on the ground floor of W Austin, and other well-known personalities from Austin’s flourishing food and drink scene. The talks will be filmed for the websites foodrepublic.com and austinfoodandwinefestival.com. The Food Republic Interview Lounge kicks off at 11 am on Friday, April 26, with interviews running continually through 5:30 pm. W Austin’s libationist Joyce Garrison will be on hand throughout the event mixing up complimentary craft cocktails for interviewees and event guests. There is limited seating available, so attendees are advised to arrive early.

photo via wikipedia.com

Pen clickers are kind of like bag lickers because even though these people are violating innocent victims, the innocent victims feel they can’t say anything about it. Pen clicking while someone else is trying to focus is the most annoying act in existence. I would rather a stranger lick their fingers and slap my face before handing me a bag-licked bag of groceries.

The other day I was trying to concentrate on what my teacher was teaching at Le Cordon Bleu. All of the sudden, a mysterious pen began to click and click and click and click and click. This was not a one-click in order to use the pen or a one-click to end pen use. This was not a one-two click to get pumped up for note taking either. No. This was a full blown pen clicking catastrophe. I can’t remember the last time a pen clicker violated me. It’s been years since this kind of torture has been reality. Maybe it was in elementary school or maybe the memory is so painful it has been repressed to the deepest part of my brain.

It seemed like a regular day. It really did. I had my quadruple espresso shot iced latte with 2% milk from Starbucks as usual. Things appeared fine. It was time to take notes while listening to my teacher. Who knew a pen clicker would begin to click. It was non-stop. If there was an award for the longest consecutive pen click in the history of clicking a pen, we would have a winner. I quickly noticed that all I noticed was the sound of this pen clicking and clicking and clicking. I could no longer take notes on properly preparing hollandaise sauce because I had to start counting the clicks instead. After counting the clicks, to see just how high the number would go, I changed my mind and decided to analyze the fast-slow-fast-slow-stop click pattern.

The unthinkable happened two days later. While attempting to listen to my teacher teach again, a total of three students became pen clickers at the same time. This was no ordinary group-pen-click. This group-pen-click was an offbeat kind of click. It could have been the tune to a song on a weird radio station. This is when a full blown pen clicker investigation began. Looking around the room, it came to my attention that only one student in the entire class did not have the ability to click a pen. This one and only pen in the class had none other than a lid. Having a lid easily prevents a person from pen clicking.

People that are pen clicking are in some kind of trance. Maybe I’m a pen clicker and just don’t know it because when anyone is a part of this horrific act, they don’t realize it. I’m thinking every person on the planet has committed this heinous pen clicking crime at least four times. It’s like being hypnotized. Pen clicking falls into the same category as finger-table-top-tapping or random-table-leg-kicking. Just like the student breaking the unwritten college seating assignment rule during Foundations 1, no one around here is upset. There isn’t a bit of pen clicker hostility up in my club. We are all God’s creatures— even pen clickers, whistlers, and bag lickers. Amen.

Serving food and drinks at a movie theater is nothing more than a minimal bonus that should not excite anyone. Do not get your hopes in a tizzy thinking this movie theater’s food will ever exceed a concession stand status. The odds simply do not exist.

There’s this red button movie people are supposed to push on their movie seat tray whenever they are ready to order. Our button turned red and stayed red. Why attach an exciting red ordering button to my movie seat tray if it’s going to take fifteen minutes for someone to arrive? I wanted to go get my drink, popcorn, and pizza all by myself. If I had my way, I would never push that scary red hostage situation button ever again.

When I requested to be my own movie theater server, my husband insisted I be patient. Really? Is fifteen minutes not being patient enough? You tell me. Five minutes is being regular patient. Ten minutes is when frown wrinkles have a right to start wrinkling just a little. Fifteen minutes is a full blown being patient deal breaker.

After waiting forever and ever and ever and ever and ever, our greasy pizza arrived. This was not the end of the world because we expected this particular movie theater pizza to suck. As the drinks and food were handed over— spillage. That’s right. My purse was violated by liquid at Studio Movie Grill. This might be a first world purse problem under certain circumstances, but not when this particular purse is none other than a LV birthday present purse. This purse makes the sky blue. Sunshine is all over the place because of this purse. For the record, this is the first magical purse I’ve ever owned in my life.

No one around here wants a movie theater food server to get in trouble for forcing a purse to have different shades of stain for all of purse eternity. The only thing any customer could possibly want is for management to solve the problem. This is part of a manager’s job description. There’s a problem— attempt to solve it. Management is supposed to do something about it. If you aren’t going to solve it, then don’t say you are.

When the movie ended, the manager investigated my purse and asked me to fill out a form. This form included a space for my name, number, what happened, email address, and yada. He then said someone would contact me on Monday. Instead of receiving a phone call, I started receiving daily spam emails from none other than Studio Movie Grill. Who does this? At no time during the mini-manager conversation two weeks ago did the manager say, “We are going to use your email address to further violate you with skin crawling spam emails in which you never approved.” No. He did not say this. Forgiving Studio Movie Grill is the only option. Being mad just makes people look scary.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You

THREE: Yada

TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

__________________
Studio Movie Grill
13933 North Central Expressway
Dallas, TX 75243
214.459.0977
studiomoviegrill.com‎
__________________

Executive Chef John Tesar

Le Cordon Bleu students must successfully complete an externship in order to earn an associate degree in culinary arts. Having just completed Foundations I (…straight A’s), I experienced an uncontrollable urge to take yellow externship papers to Spoon Bar & Kitchen and hand them to none other than— John Tesar.

There was no way of knowing whether he’d lift his glasses in a terrifyingly slow motion moment before telling me to beat it– get lost– scram. Just so you know, I respect John Tesar— and it’s not because he might wear Prada chef shoes. A tear could easily squeak out of my right eye while trying to express the respect I feel for this chef. His talent is undeniably intriguing and that’s not all. He makes me nervous. I like it.

After turning in the completed paperwork to Le Cordon Bleu yesterday, I received a blue cravat. For non Le Cordon Bleu people, this is a big deal. Massive. Most students wear a white cravat. I went to school three hours early just so I could stand outside the externship office and wait for this blue cravat. This is an example of complete and total blue cravat spasticness.

The next step is to stage at Spoon before the externship begins. Feeling kind of dorky, weird, and insecure are all unacceptable in the world of working near John Tesar. I will be a champion with total cooking confidence.

Mesa Chicken Salad
photo via gangway advertising

Mondays
Fresh Berry Salad
Salad greens, baby spinach, sliced strawberries, fresh raspberries, fresh blueberries, grilled chicken breast, red onion, feta cheese, strawberry balsamic vinaigrette.

Tuesdays
Greek Chicken Salad
Salad greens, grilled chicken, tomato, artichoke hearts, kalamata olive, bell pepper, cucumber, red onion, feta cheese, creamy cucumber vinaigrette.

Wednesdays
Asian Noodle Shrimp Salad
Bibb lettuce cup, chilled honey-soy marinated rice noodles, snap peas, bell pepper, fresh cilantro, mint, sweet-chili grilled shrimp, crispy rice noodle garnish.

Thursdays
Mesa Chicken Salad
Salad greens, grilled chicken, roasted peppers, roasted corn, red onion, avocado, tortilla shell pieces, creamy roasted poblano dressing.

Fridays
Antipasto Salad
Romaine stalks, salami, fresh mozzarella, marinated garbanzo beans, sun-dried tomato, Peppadew pepper, red wine vinaigrette.

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Locations for Bread Winners can be found—> here.

What:
Granada Theater & Chevy Music Showcase Announce Monthy Series at Sundown

When:
Below are individual dates & times
(The last Thursday of each month)

Location:
Sundown at Granada
3520 Greenville Avenue
Dallas, 75206

The Bands:
Burning Hotels – 4/25
Larry g(EE) – 5/30
Somebody’s Darling – 6/27
Josh Weathers – 7/25
+ more bands to come!

Burning Hotels – 4/25
Sex-wave, full of energy with electronic textures, danceable rhythms &
catchy hooks. GOES GOOD WITH: The Killers, Depeche Mode, Twin
Shadow, New Order

Larry g(EE) – 5/30
Modern yet timeless blend of funk, rock and over the top soul
grooves. GOES GOOD WITH: Fitz & The Tantrums, Alabama Shakes,
Mayer Hawthorn, Stevie Wonder

Somebody’s Darling – 6/27
Roots-rockers lay it on the line with lean,
loud delivery and powerhouse vocals. GOES GOOD WITH: Alabama
Shakes, Janis Joplin, My Morning Jacket, Lucinda Williams

Josh Weathers – 7/25
Rock-n-soul infused, high energy 4 piece powerhouse based out of Fort Worth.
GOES GOOD WITH: Amos Lee, David Gray, Ray Lamontagne, Allen Stone

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alt="" width="300" height="300" data-id="30010"
/>Raise the roof! href="http://almostveggiehouston.com/2013/03/28/belly-trumpet/"
target="_blank">Belly & Trumpet will begin
serving href="http://almostveggiehouston.com/?attachment_id=30303"
target="_blank">brunch this Sunday! Some people use
exclamation points to pretend they are more excited than just basic
excited. To me, this is the only punctuation possible to
appropriately express the level of excitement happening at this
very moment. I can’t imagine trying to find daytime artistic
interpretation, with sunlight, while brunching at Belly &
Trumpet. Maybe the paintings throughout this tiny old house on
McKinney will feel a bit different. Maybe after four mimosas the
paintings will force an explosion of brand new artistic
interpretation to suddenly erupt. Day and night can make a
difference in the art world. Many amateur art commoners probably
feel this way.

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src="http://almostveggiehouston.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/1-266x400.jpg"
alt="" width="266" height="400" data-id="30282" />
egg, bacon, potato, toast
photo via Claire
McCormack

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onion"
src="http://almostveggiehouston.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/3-266x400.jpg"
alt="" width="266" height="400" data-id="30284" />
hanger steak kim chee omelette, spring onion
photo via
Claire McCormack

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src="http://almostveggiehouston.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/2-400x266.jpg"
alt="" width="400" height="266" data-id="30283" />
french toast, apple, maple syrup photo via Claire
McCormack

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src="http://almostveggiehouston.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/4-400x266.jpg"
alt="" width="400" height="266" data-id="30285" />
njuda deviled eggs photo via Claire McCormack

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egg"
src="http://almostveggiehouston.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/5-400x266.jpg"
alt="" width="400" height="266" data-id="30286" />
pork belly, homestead grits, mustard greens, egg
photo
via Claire McCormack

href="http://bellyandtrumpet.com/"
target="_blank">bellyandtrumpet.com
___________________

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photo via texasmonthly.com

If you are poor, then you just need to keep being poor somewhere other than the Austin Food & Wine Festival on April 26th – 28th. Rich people do not have time to listen to poor people complain about the cost of this event. I have a feeling the rich people are the people slinging sentences like— “Stop complaining about how expensive the Austin Food & Wine Festival is.”

First of all, no one around here is being an Austin Food & Wine Festival hater. No way. Anyone talking smack about anything having to do with Austin is a brave soul nearing the end of existence as they know it, especially if they live in Dallas. Austin people do not mess around when it comes to Austin. All I’m saying is there’s really nothing any event can offer that validates spending $850 for a ticket. This is how I feel and as long as I’m a citizen of the United States of America, Austin people have to let me express these feelings. It’s my right somewhere in the constitution. All is not lost for almost rich people! Please rejoice, for there is a $250 ticket available as well.

_____________________________________________________________________

Per austinfoodandwinefestival.com:

2-Day Pass – $250
40+ Cooking Demos & Wine Seminars
Saturday & Sunday Grand Tastings
FOOD & WINE Magazine Subscription (US Only) – 1 Year
Additional tastings and demos at The Tasting Room
Upgrade option for Taste of Texas Kickoff Event
Upgrade option for Rock Your Taco Celebrity Chef Showdown
Upgrade options appear on 2nd screen of ticket purchase process

Your ticket for a weekend long epicurean extravaganza, The TASTE Pass delivers a sumptuous experience perfect for every palate. This year’s expanded Grand Tastings feature over 100 food, wine, and spirits purveyors. Learn the art of each chef’s craft during your pick of over 40 cooking demos and informative wine seminars. Take advantage of ample opportunity to sip and sample gourmet delights while interacting with participating chefs and winemakers at dedicated stations around the park. Trust us; your taste buds will thank you. If you attended last year, read about our 2013 updates.

2-Day Pass – $850
40+ Cooking Demos & Wine Seminars + Early Seating
Saturday & Sunday Grand Tastings + Early Entry
FOOD & WINE Magazine Subscription (US Only) – 2 Years
Additional tastings and demos at The Tasting Room
Admission included to Taste of Texas Kickoff Event
Admission included to Rock Your Taco Celebrity Chef Showdown
Exclusive SAVOR Lounge access
Reserved SAVOR Parking at Auditorium Shores

The SAVOR Pass unlocks the ultimate Austin FOOD & WINE Festival experience. Enjoy early seating at cooking demos and wine seminars, early access to each day’s Grand Tasting and the comfort of a dedicated Savor Lounge — complete with private food and drink tastings throughout the day. Then, continue the gourmet perks into the evenings at Friday night’s Taste of Texas event to the tunes of Delta Spirit and Whiskey Shivers, and Saturday night’s Rock Your Taco Celebrity Chef Showdown featuring a performance by Allen Stone.

_____________________________________________________________________

Tickets are—> here.

The schedule is—> here.

Auditorium Shores
800 West Riverside Drive
Austin, TX 78704
512.974.6700

Belly & Trumpet’s interior design will send even the busiest mind spiraling into the darkest part of the unknown. Complete painting drama, filled with an explosion of heartbroken girls, adorn every wall. Maybe these sadly depressed girls appear sadly depressed because some kind of controlling woman-hater-painter decided their painting fate would be a life nailed speechless to a wall.

Even though paintings aren’t alive, this is still sad. One girl’s heart is like a white cloud hopelessly oozing misery down her waif-like silhouette of a body. Her hair is standing up like she’s hanging upside down or something. Confusion consumed every part of my brain just minutes after being seated.

The painter of these pictures must be a man scorned to the depths of relationship hell. You know, like a woman scorned, but a man. It’s the only explanation for what’s happening on the walls at Belly & Trumpet. The black covering their mouths could be any kind of material. I feel like the twiggy-looking females have been forever silenced by this mysterious black covering.

Maybe the painter dated a girl that would not stop talking. Maybe his girlfriend nagged him about long hours of painting at the studio. Maybe because of the painter’s ex-girlfriend, he doesn’t ever want girls to talk again. Who could blame him? It’s understandable. My husband sometimes wishes I would stop talking. He seems to think I’m the only person in Dallas that cannot live life until fully understanding what is up with the paintings at Belly & Trumpet.

One painting is part-girl-part-animal. On the up and up, this non-talking girl is mostly human, with a minimal amount of horns exiting her scalp. Holding arrows makes her somewhat of a hunted animal-human. If pictures could be scared, this one would tremble just a little more than a little. After performing a full blown Belly & Trumpet interior design investigation, it has come to my attention that the artist responsible for the slew of submissively mute female paintings is none other than Ruben Ireland. This guy puts the D in DARK, people.

Before marrying my hard-working husband, most of the pretend paintings purchased were from Bed Bath & Beyond. That’s right. Don’t be a hater. Poor people have to do this during college. For this reason, Ruben Ireland does not have time for me to question the meaning of his art. I’m guessing that while attempting to understand the meaning of art, commoners should interpret the art and call it a day. It’s really nobody’s business. Maybe these girls aren’t sad after all. Since realizing we are all entitled to our own artistic interpretation, everything makes sense now.

shishito peppers

chickpea fries, eggplant, bagna cauda

kampachi, uni, rapini, shitake, thai chili, kaffir

yellowfin tuna, mango, long bean, cucumber, cilantro

prime hanger steak, roasted nut purée

cornish game hen, foie gras, cauliflower, raisin

beet involtini, black trumpet mushroom, arugula pesto

white chocolate panna cotta

semifreddo
pistachio, strawberry, mint

Belly & Trumpet’s executive chef is Brian Zenner, who happens to be chef de cuisine of Oak. Working as sous chef with Zenner is Rudy Mendoza, who previously worked at the Mansion on Turtle Creek. Zenner stated, “With Belly &Trumpet, we are striving to extend beyond the ordinary in everything we do. We are challenging ourselves to be inventive and thoughtful, often taking a classic favorite and adding an exciting twist. Regardless, our primary goal is for our food to be consistently soulful and delicious.”

There’s no fluff necessary to justify what’s going on at places like Oak, FT33, and Belly & Trumpet. Presentation and taste are both a part of the gift being given. Loving Belly & Trumpet is a no-brainer. These guys are doing Dallas a favor.

There are more pictures of Belly & Trumpet—> here.

FIVE: High 5!

FOUR: Please & Thank You

THREE: Yada

TWO: Double Wow

ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch

___________________

Belly & Trumpet
3407 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, Texas 75204
214.855.5551
bellyandtrumpet.com
___________________

Chef Dean Fearing
photo via fearingsrestaurants.com

WHEN:
Thursday, March 28th
Reception at 6:30 p.m.
Dinner at 7 p.m.

WHERE:
Fearing’s Restaurant
The Ritz-Carlton
2121 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, TX 75201

PRICE:
$155 per person
Add $50 per person for wine pairings

RESERVATIONS:
Kelsey Holmes
214.922.4817

MENU:
Appetizer
Seared Sea Scallop and Foie Gras
Truffle White Bean Purée, Foie Gras Beurre Noisette

Soup
Creole Louisiana Snapping Turtle Soup
Deviled Quail Eggs, Madeira

Entrée
Braised Boneless Short Ribs
Cauliflower Camembert Purée, Sauce Périgueux

Dessert
White Chocolate Bread Pudding Crème Brûlée
Lemon-Scented Apricots, Salted Bourbon Caramel Sauce

photo via Kevin Marple

When:
Wednesday, March 27th

Where:
DISH Restaurant & Lounge
4123 Cedar Springs Road
Dallas, Texas 75219
dish-dallas.com

Price:
$135 per person
(before tax or gratuity)

Reservations:
Please call 214.522.3474 or Tmceneny@dish-dallas.com

MENU
Liquid Amuse
Niepoort Dry White Porto NV

Aperitif
Breads w/ Flavored Spreads
Ulacia Getariako Txakolina Bianco ‘11

Chilled
Foie Gras Mousse, Crushed Macadamias & Eel Sauce
Château d’Arlay Côtes-du-Jura Vin Jaune ‘03

Warm
Umami Skirt Steak w/ Verjus Hedgehog Chanterelles
Wenzel Gelber Muskateller ‘08

Soup
Duck Avgolemono
Oremus Mandolas Furmint ‘09

Intermezzo
LN2 Strawberry Sorbet w/ Green Peppercorn & Stinging Nettle Jus
Movia Puro Rosé Sparkling Pinot Nero Primorje Slovenia ‘05

Main {two pairings}
Lamb Ossu Bucco & Spicy Lamb Sausage, Polenta, Baby Veggies & Foraged Greens
Gonet-Médeville Ambonnay Grand Cru Rouge Cuvée Athénaïs Coteaux Champenois Millésime ‘07
Bodegas Margon Pricum Paraje de El Santo Prieto Picudo DO Tierra de León ‘07

Sweet {two pairings}
Gooey Pear & Apple Spice-Cake w/ Blackberry Splashes; Cheeses
Chook Sparkling Shiraz S-AUS NV
La Roncaia Attimus Picolit DOCG Colli Orientali del Friuli

Parting Gift/Digestif
Underberg Bitters

All people feeling spastic about crawfish may purchase tickets—> here.

via gdra.org

photo via aidsdallas.ejoinme.org

Purpose:
No Tie Dinner & Dessert Party is a fundraiser benefiting AIDS Services of Dallas.

When:
Saturday, April 6, 2013

Time:
7:00 p.m.

Venue:
Frontiers of Flight Museum
6911 Lemmon Avenue
Dallas, TX 75209

Tickets:
$50 donation

Attire:
Go-G0 60′s theme encouraged

Purchase your tickets—> here.