We can all agree that Hopdoddy Burger Bar has fantastic tasting burgers. Right? This is something everyone in Texas is aware of. Lines run out the door and blah blah blah. Great. We are all on the same page. There are certain things that can change a person’s experience while dining in a restaurant. Service is one of the most important parts of the process. The service at Hopdoddy is dandy. Now that we are all mentally in the same happy place, let me begin the unfortunate saga involving a licker. This is not the dreaded bag licker, oh no. This is none other than a paper licker.
After having lunch at Stampede 66 last week, I decided to stop by Hopdoddy Burger Bar to try their veggie burger. The place was packed and everyone was having a great time. The bar is definitely a good spot to grab a seat if you are alone and don’t feel like being smooshed. Things were going great. The main person that waited on me was super friendly and knowledgeable. He explained that they are in the process of changing the veggie burger to try and improve the taste. This makes sense because good veggie burgers are sometimes hard to find. After that, I don’t remember much of anything. It was really weird when this other girl started taking care of things, but seemed to be checking out of her shift at the same time. Servers check out of a shift with lots of checks, as well as a long check out sheet with totals, tip out, etc… She was clearly checking out.
I had just been handed the veggie burger when all of the sudden— she began using her own saliva to make her fingers wet with spit. The purpose of this tongue-finger-swipe was to force the innocent pieces of paper to stick to her fingers, which would then make picking the paper up a little easier. If this were one piece of paper, then maybe it wouldn’t have been so gross. Apparently, this bartender had a busy shift. She licked and licked and licked and talked and licked and sipped water and licked and licked. This all happened while she stood directly in front of me and my veggie burger. I was a bartender for years. No, I did not use saliva from inside my mouth to moisten anything. You’re welcome.
People may be thinking, “Why do you care? The slippery wet saliva from her mouth isn’t touching you.” Correction: Her saliva affected me more than mentally. There’s this thing they use to place to-go food in called a doddy bag. It also has a paperclip attached to it. I just wanted to get out of there and eat my veggie burger in the safety of my own car. My car would be licker free, thus enforcing lunch enjoyment. In order to exit, I needed this to-go bag, as well as my check.
When the licker handed me a to-go bag she said, “Please return the paperclip.” Really? Do you really think I want that paperclip? As far as I’m concerned you are the person that placed the paperclip on my bag. This means you used your saliva soaked fingers to place the paperclip onto the very bag in which the rest of my veggie burger will be placed. You are a licker. You handed me the bag that is going home with me. You have now placed your DNA on my bag. This means I’m not leaving alone— I’m leaving with you.
Her saliva ridden fingertips touched my bag, credit card, and receipt. Oh, and also the pen used to tip, as a reward for such a great experience. Does this now affect my life? Yes. After five full minutes of fingertip spit dousing, I’m pretty much affected when you spread unwanted DNA my way. Just because the rest of the country seems to think it’s perfectly fine for the grocery store guy or the convenience store worker or the office paper-hand-out person to all spit on stuff others have to touch, well, that’s not my problem. Guess what? Normal non-licker people have a hidden ability to pick up paper and open plastic bags without spitting.
On the up and up, Hopdoddy does have fantastic burgers. My suggestion is for management to have a mandatory staff meeting to discuss licking while on the clock. If these employees wish to lick, leave it at the door.
FIVE: High 5!
FOUR: Please & Thank You
TWO: Double Wow
ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch
Hopdoddy Burger Bar
6030 Luther Lane #100
Dallas, TX 75225