Going to Bikini’s when Twisted Root Burger is located a few doors down is just dumb. I deserve every bit of pain and suffering endured. This being a mistake is not something that’s hard to figure out. I’m not saying it’s fair for everyone to automatically assume service is going to always be shady at a breastaurant. In my case, it’s not a service assumption because breastaurant service has been sad four out of five times.
Girl’s wearing bikinis while waiting on us isn’t a big deal. Show me a bikini-wearing server that doesn’t suck and I’ll be more than happy to applaud while giving a four minute standing ovation. We’ve been to Hooters, Twin Peaks, Wolfie’s, Bone Daddy’s, and now Bikini’s. The service was disappointing in all except one— Bone Daddy’s. Our server from Bone Daddy’s wore stripper-looking clothes with stripper-looking heels. Guess what? She was a very good server. She swears her real name is Blossom. Bottom line: No one around here is being a bikini babe hater.
Our server snail crawled over to our table about ten minutes after we sat down. She slowly wrote her name on a napkin with a fluffy heart after the last letter. She was talking, but I couldn’t hear her. I had unknowingly become locked in a heinous hicky trance. There, just to the south of her right earlobe, was none other than a gigantic purplish dark blue hicky. Wowzer.
Who goes to work half-naked with a mammoth-sized hicky hanging out on their neck? More importantly, what kind of kissing rookie redneck gives a girl a huge hicky? Yikes. This is when you suddenly come down with the flu. The flu would take at least four days to get over. If she applies toothpaste to the hicky, this might speed up the process. I knew a girl in 7th grade that had a gigantic hicky. All the boys thought she was so much fun. She came to school with toothpaste and a band-aid on her neck. While this could be a hicky myth, it’s certainly worth a try.
She left to ask the kitchen what kind of fish is on the fish taco. She came back and pronounced some kind of fish I didn’t know existed. She said, “That’s how it sounded when the kitchen told me, but I really don’t know how to say it.” I’m going to go out on a limb here and say Bikini’s probably didn’t fly in a fancy fish from anywhere. I decided to be frightened of this mystery fish and order something else in a couple of minutes.
My husband had already given his wing order, which was a mistake. She didn’t come back until she delivered his wings. She dropped the wings off and walked away. What’s up with that? I tried to get her attention to ask if I could order. She was holding a long paper, which meant she was leaving. This paper is what servers use to check-out after finishing a shift.
Another girl walked over with a painful glaze consuming her entire face. She wrote her name, ending with a tiny heart, on the napkin beneath the name of our first server. She took my order, delivered the quesadilla, and then didn’t come back. She could be seen slowly walking around the restaurant like she was bored. The menu promised that the quesadilla would be stuffed with pico de gallo. How can someone forget the pico de gallo when it’s supposed to be stuffed inside the quesadilla? How will anyone know there isn’t any pico de gallo if our server never checks on us?
Our drinks had been empty for a while and I needed more sour cream. We were sitting beside the bar, so he decided to ask the bartender for a refill while I used a knife to scrape leftover sour cream out of the tiny ramekin. Of course we had to wait forever to get our check. Come on! That’s a given. It’s safe to say this is officially the end of the breastaurant road for us.
FIVE: High 5!
FOUR: Please & Thank You
TWO: Double Wow
ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch
Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill
720 East Campbell Road
Richardson, TX 75081
IMPORTANT DISCLOSURE: Our server’s hicky was free. If she doesn’t like her free hicky then she should tell her guy that she doesn’t like her free hicky. My opinion is mine and you can’t have it. END OF THIS IMPORTANT BLOGGER DISCLOSURE INFORMING EVERYONE MY SERVER’S HICKY WAS PROBABLY FREE.