We are in Boston searching for fabulous lobster rolls. Listen: No one is being a Boston lobster roll hater. Girl Scouts honor. I take full responsibility for total lobster roll failure at Ned’s. It’s my fault for not following the research driven lobster roll list sitting in the notes section of my iPhone.
Just because the guy I’m with is wearing a boot (because of a torn Achilles tendon) does not mean we should just stop walking and settle on some random foodspotting lobster roll. There is no reason for anyone to be a wimpy walker. This is unacceptable.
Look at this picture. Just sit in a chair and look at it. Foodspotting may not be Bon Appétit magazine, but it sure does have visual clout in the food world. A picture is a picture is a picture. This picture tells me to go to Ned’s. The same picture screams awesome. The picture we are discussing is a clear indication that a lobster roll win is in our future. It’s like a promise— a visual vow.
Harping on the slow service would be a waste. Pointless. There is a much more important topic to discuss. All I’m saying is this girl was NOT in a hurry. If you are looking for anyone at Ned’s that is in a hurry, it is NOT our server. I’ve never seen a person get triple sat and not be in some kind of a hurry. One more thing: Please do not ask to take my dinner order at the same time you are slowly arriving late to take the drink order. Please. This behavior is not okay with anyone. Waiting for you to ring in our order is going to affect the other victims in your section. Just get everyone’s drink and allow us to move on with our life.
For some reason, our server laughed when I showed her a picture of the foodspotting lobster roll. So amused was this server, she said she just had to take my phone and show this particular picture to the… manager. Really? The picture of food that brought us to you is funny looking?
As she snail crawled back over with my phone, she said she had an explanation straight from the manager’s mouth. “This is an old lobster roll. The lobster roll in the picture is not on the same bread as the lobster roll we serve now. We don’t make them like that anymore.” Translation: Our lobster roll sucks. It used to not suck. Now it sucks.
Bread does not cause this much of a catastrophe to any delivered dish. Bread cannot possibly maintain this level of dish power. Stop. Just stop. This lobster roll is a disgrace to all of Boston, as well as all lobster rolls existing in the world today. Size does not matter, people. It’s not about the size. It sucked. Everything about it sucked the biggest level of possibly sucking. A debacle of sucking. I’d rather eat lead from a sharp pencil than ever eat a lobster roll as bad as the one at Ned’s. This lobster roll is an $18 plate of pain.
FIVE: High 5!
FOUR: Please & Thank You
TWO: Double Wow
ONE: Wow + Ouch = Wouch